Wife

YupIAteYourCakeAllToMe

A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says “God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad.” The father says, “Good bye Grandad? Why is that?” The daughter says, “Just because I felt like it.” The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can’t believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter’s prayers again. She says, “God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma.” The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, “Just because I felt like it.” The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn’t know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, “God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy.” The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn’t go home and stays there until midnight. He’s very surprised. ‘I’ve cheated death!’ he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, “Where have you been?!” and the husband says, “Oh don’t ask me any questions, today’s been miserable.” The wife replies, “Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch…”

Last Word

Anonymous

I’ll never forget my grandma’s last words, “What are you doing in here with that hammer?”

Fat

Anonymous

Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you. Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.

Doctor

Anonymous

Patient: I’m starting to forget things Doctor: Since when have you had this condition? Patient: What condition?

Legs

Anonymous

if you ever get mad at a person that cramppled their leg. don’t forget that they can hide but they cant run.

Dad

Anonymous

I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”

Knock knock

Noctis

Knock knock Who’s there? 9/11 9/11 who? You said that you would never forget

Hand

J0K3_M4ST3R

I’ll never forget my brother’s last words: “Why is there a revolver in your hand?”

Girlfriend

Anonomynimous

i will never forget my girlfriends last words…"get off of me STOP"slurp…Dead

Wife

Anonymous

A man needs to leave for lengthy a business trip, but his wife is saddened by this. She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny. The man claims that she doesn’t need sex, because a dildo should work just fine. He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything really special. The cashier quietly pulls out an old box, and removes a wooden penis from inside. The cashier states that the dildo has been passed down in his family for generations, and was crafted by a witch deep within the Amazon jungle. The cashier sits up in his chair and shouts “Voodoo Dick, the door!” The wooden penis flies across the room, and begins to rapidly thrust itself in and out of the front door keyhole. “Voodoo Dick, the lamp!” The wooden penis flies up inside of the lamp on the cahsier’s desk, and once again, begins to thrust in and out. “Voodoo Dick, return to your box!” The wooden penis flies back into the box and the cashier closes the lid. The man chooses to buy the wooden penis, and just as he is about to leave, the cashier tells him a very important bit of information regarding the Voodoo Dick: “The cursed dildo can only be controlled through verbal commands, it is far too powerful to be moved by hand.” says the cashier. “You must never forget that!” The man nods and heads home. Later that day, the man explains to his wife how the sex toy works, and then leaves for his trip. A few days later, the wife becomes very horny, and opens up the box. She proceeds to shout “Voodoo Dick, my pussy!” The dildo zooms into her vagina, and pleasures her for roughly 6-8 hours. She soon begins to grow tired, and attempts to pull the dildo out of her. She pulls as hard as she can, but just can’t get it it. The wife panicks, and begins driving to the hospital with the wooden penis still inside of her vagina. A police officer pulls her over for speeding, and asks to see some identification. The wife exclaims “Help, help, there is a Voodoo Dick inside of my vagina and it won’t come out!” The officer raises an eyebrow in disbelief. “Voodoo Dick my ass, bitch.”

Alzheimers

Ded Joker

Whenever my grandparents apologize, I say forgive and forget. They are really obedient.

Die

Anonymous

I’ll never forget how my grandmother died. “this lemonade tastes like bleach…”

Sister

Anonymous

I’ll never forget my sister’s last word. “Is it edible?”

Die

Mr. Dark Joke

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”

Girl

ak47

if u tell a girl there pretty they wont believe u if u tell them their ugly their never forget it…

elephants never forget.

Knife

Anonymous

I will never forget my grandfathers last words. “The fuck you doing whit that knife

Eating

Hi Der

“Don’t forget you are what you eat,” said one person. “Then I should eat a skinny person.” said the other.

Shooting

Anonymous

Two boys are talking on the bus Boy 1: I feel like i’m forgetting something. Boy 2: hey did you hear about that school shooting last week? Boy 1: oh that’s right

Baby

Sarai Castle

You can laugh at how men are stupid. But remember their favorite thing.

It starts with “M” and ends with “arriage”

If you guessed “Marriage” your stupid. It’s miscarriage and don’t forget it. The joke never get’s old to him. Just like the baby.

Bus

My father’s last words 1

I’ll never forget my father’s last words…

Oh fuck, it’s a bus!

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