A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says "God bless Mummy and God Bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead. The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."
if you ever get mad at a person that cramppled their leg. don't forget that they can hide but they cant run.
Patient: I'm starting to forget things Doctor: Since when have you had this condition? Patient: What condition?
I found a chest of gold in my garden the other day. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in my garden.
How do our brains remember that we forgot something, but we can't remember what that thing was?
What's the natural cure to an old man's inability to forgive people?
I still can’t forget that tiny little dead fish in my blue lunchbox.
I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.
But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"
"You said you'd never forget"
I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
When you hear your mom’s car pull in the driveway and you remember that she told you to take the chicken out of the freezer 7 hours ago.
When you realize you forgot to mop ur room you hear footsteps 🥋
me: do you ever just walk into a room and forget what you were doing?
bank teller: [eyes wide] uhhhhh
me: *scratches head with gun* man, i hate it when this happens
I was at school when i remembered i forgot my necklace then i screamed out, "SHIT I FORGOT GRANDPA."
A man found a chest full of gold so he went to go tell his wife only to remember why he was digging
I’ve got a joke about Alzheimers. Um. Oh no. I can’t actually remember it.
My dad went for the milk but he left his wheelchair
Why are astronauts forgetful? They're always spacing out.
The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is…
Wait, where are we again?
--> I only have 4 moods:
• fuck this • fuck that • fuck me • fuck you
--> I empathize with the above, but I have an additional 4 moods to add:
• fuck yeah • fuck no • fuck my life • fuck everything
--> and don't forget the inevitable
• fuck it
-->and for those who have just given up
This is beautiful