Short jokes
Did you hear about the clam that could play violin?
It had excellent mussel memory.
I like my women how I like my golf score: low in the 80s and with a handicap.
Viagra is a lot like amusement parks...
It's a one hour wait, for a two-minute ride.
Why did Grampa pass out? Because of diabetes.
Quack, quack, quack, quack, quack, quack.
Confucius say, man who go through turn table is going to Bangkok.
I once had clothes that were so unbearably uncomfortable,
but I never realized they suited me.
Why don't you act like an amoeba and split?
Q: Why don't cars work after you change their wheels?
A: Because they're retired!
I once had a pet snake, exactly 3.14 meters.
He was a great πthon.
Where do cows go for entertainment?
The MOOOOvie theater.
What did the tree wear to the pool party 🥳?
Swimming trunks.
Why do they call them apartments when they are together?
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
He drove too far away from the power point/modem.
What did the dirt say to the embers?
You look smoking hot.
Roses are red, violets are not, everyone at Grant High School is probably a thot.
I would tell you a joke about a slice of pizza, but it's really... cheesy. I donut think you will come up with a better pun than this.
What burns up a football stadium?
A football match.
My hips can't move, but Heineken.
What do you call a skeleton's omelet?
A bonelet.