Short jokes
Why can't British people play chess?
Because they lost their queen.
Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?
Patient: Cancer, why?
Doctor: What are the chances?
Patient: Of what?
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,
but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.
*Is honestly the best policy.*
I took a special needs child to a shooting range.
Poor bastard had no idea which direction to run in.
The highest level of trust in the world is when two cannibals are each giving each other blowjobs.
What do you call an emo kid with light-up shoes? A human chandelier.
I don’t know why people don’t say "Cobain," because I’m pretty sure Kurt Cobain didn’t miss his last shot like Kobe did.
What was Hitler's favorite thing to do to pass the time?
Smoking.
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay person...
It don't moan when u put milk inside.
What is the difference between an orphan and a cat?
The cat is actually cute.
I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.
I can also tell if they are standing.
Chuck Norris can toss Jupiter at the Sun with his bare hands.
And he still cannot win a fighting match against Bruce Lee.
The earth used to be flat.
Till they buried yo mama.
What is a group of singing terrorists called? A Taliband.
Friend: Why do you like Minecraft so much?
Me: Because I love miners!
Why can't Asian people use a telephone?
Because they might wing the wrong number.
Why can't orphans be criminals?
Because they're not wanted.
What do you call a fudge packer who has special needs?
A gay black male that has Down Syndrome.