Short jokes
Hey, 2nd Amendmenters! Wanna know what gun Jesus used during his time?
What?
A nail gun!
When your teenager asks for personal space and you remind her that she came out of your personal space.
What do alien moms like to drink? Starbucks.
(6x9)+6+9=69
The snack that smiles back: Ball sack.
If your eyes were the sea, I would drown in them.
Where did Josh go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.
How do you know if a chick is too fat?
If you pull her pants down, her ass is still in them.
Why can't British people play chess?
Because they lost their queen.
Doctor: What is your zodiac sign?
Patient: Cancer, why?
Doctor: What are the chances?
Patient: Of what?
I'll never forget my dad's last words before he kicked the bucket: "Hey, look how far I can kick this bucket!"
What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?
A very pissed duck.
When the teacher gives me an F on my exam,
but I have an AK-47 in my backpack.
*Is honestly the best policy.*
I took a special needs child to a shooting range.
Poor bastard had no idea which direction to run in.
The highest level of trust in the world is when two cannibals are each giving each other blowjobs.
What do you call an emo kid with light-up shoes? A human chandelier.
What was Hitler's favorite thing to do to pass the time?
Smoking.
What's the difference between a refrigerator and a gay person...
It don't moan when u put milk inside.
What is the difference between an orphan and a cat?
The cat is actually cute.
I can always tell if someone is lying just by looking at them.
I can also tell if they are standing.