Short jokes
Once, my father came home and found me in front of a roaring fire.
That made my father very mad, as we didn't have a fireplace.
Don’t be racist. Racism is a crime, and crime is for black people.
Why did the rapper become a painter?
To brush up on his rhymes!
Why do Russians drink grizzly bear piss?
Since vodka in Russia is so weak, Russians need a strong drink to get drunk.
How come you never see a broke midget?
Because he’s living in the broke man’s boots.
You are so skinny, you probably wipe your butt with floss.
What do you call someone with no arms and no legs?
A nugget.
My science teacher asked me what is found inside cells.
I guess "blacks" wasn't the right answer.
Mexican Comedy Week
Margarita Monday Taco Tuesday Wetback Wednesday Tequila Thursday Fiesta Friday Shake It Saturday Sneaky Sunday
What does Bugs Bunny say when he has a boner?
"What's up, cock?"
What do a Rubik's Cube and a dick have in common?
The more you play with them, the harder they get.
Why do vegans hate sex?
They don't want to say they had a meat in 'em.
What’s a priest's favorite sport?
Golf, because most of the holes are less than 18.
Now I know what my priest meant by the second coming!
What did the priest say during the christening?
"So anyway, I started blasting!"
Q. What do you call a prostitute who asks too many questions?
A. An intrusive thot.
What do you call 8 x 3.14?
Octopi.
What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.
My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.
So all his friends came in one car.
I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics, and she said I had to eat more vegetables.