Short jokes
What is the difference between a woman and ice? The ice always comes back.
I'm as straight as a rainbow.
The bands Def Leppard and Blind Melon did a collaboration.
They called the song “Helen Keller.”
What did the Japanese man say to his friend after he killed somebody?
"That is very Wong."
What is the most awkward moment when Helen Keller is playing pin the tail on the donkey?
Her friends aren’t sure whether to blindfold her.
Why do Arabs hate chess?
Because the queen is allowed to move freely.
Why do emo kids cost so much?
Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.
For centuries the Catholic Church censored everything that wouldn‘t fit with their teachings. You know what I call that?
"Chancel culture!"
Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.
And 100% of men don’t care.
What do you call a coffee without water? Africano.
I asked for emotional support. They handed me a mirror and said, "Talk to someone who cares."
Q. What's a necrophiliac's favorite dating site? A. Find a Grave.
Why is 10 afraid?
Because it’s in the middle of 9/11.
What do the Twin Tower survivors order from Tim Hortons? A plane bagel.
I thought about making a necrophilia joke, but I knew it would be a DOA.
Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.
How do women hold their liquor? By the ears.
I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.
How To Kill A Blonde 101:
First Step: Get a pool.
Second Step: Put a scratch-and-sniff at the bottom.
I'm gonna make a documentary about meth-addicted prostitutes.
I think I'll call it "Whores on Ice."