Short jokes
Why do emo kids cost so much?
Because they’re the only people you can scan at the checkout machine.
Q. What's a necrophiliac's favorite dating site? A. Find a Grave.
I'm not saying you're annoying. But if rectal herpes were a person, it would be you.
Q. How does an emo scratch an itch? A. With a razor blade.
Q. What does a slutty mermaid get? A. Crabs.
I thought about making a necrophilia joke, but I knew it would be a DOA.
I should probably stop making jokes about bulimia. They just leave a bad taste in my mouth.
Q: What do you call a baby in a vegetative state?
A: A tater tot.
Q. What do you call a prostitute who asks too many questions?
A. An intrusive thot.
I'm gonna make a documentary about meth-addicted prostitutes.
I think I'll call it "Whores on Ice."
What do you call a coffee without water? Africano.
For centuries the Catholic Church censored everything that wouldn‘t fit with their teachings. You know what I call that?
"Chancel culture!"
Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.
And 100% of men don’t care.
I asked for emotional support. They handed me a mirror and said, "Talk to someone who cares."
Why is 10 afraid?
Because it’s in the middle of 9/11.
What do the Twin Tower survivors order from Tim Hortons? A plane bagel.
Did you hear? There is a new toy for boys ages 2-10. It's called Jackson. A tiny white doll, with black Jackson. Get it while supplies last.
How do women hold their liquor? By the ears.
What's the first rule of Wank Club?
Don't shake hands with anyone else in Wank Club.
For our anniversary, I gave my girlfriend a picture of me inside a pistachio.
But that’s just me in a nutshell.