Short jokes
Would you rather get a massage from a man or get major surgery from a woman?
Your mama's so fat, she runs a trade deficit with food!
Did you hear about the cat jail break out? It was a cat-tastrophe.
Scientists make skyscrapers and airplanes.
Religion crashes them.
Gay is a mental illness.
You're not thinking straight.
Roses are red, the Jews are a cult.
I've practiced Metzitzah b'peh on adults.
What was Hitler's favorite thing to do to pass the time?
Smoking.
Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.
What do you call yourself when you fist a midget?
A ventriloquist.
What’s missing from an orphan's iPad?
The home button.
Have you ever thought about the fact that every market in Africa is a black market?
Why are Black women dating white men?
So their kids don’t have to worry about not meeting their father.
How do s’mores communicate?
On Insta-graham.
What’s the difference between a firefighter and Snoop Dogg?
Snoop Dogg inhaled less smoke during 9/11.
What do you call an emo kid with light-up shoes? A human chandelier.
With the sentence "Die in Hölle," you can buy shoes in Germany.
What do you call a disabled orphan?
A left over vegetables.
The best way to tell a Hindu person and a Muslim person apart is asking them, "Are you 7-Eleven or 9/11?"
When your baby is stillborn and you have a funeral, what song should you never play?
Alphaville - "Forever Young."
Vegan is actually an old Indian word for "bad hunter."