Short jokes
Yo mamma is so slutty, she uses a submarine as a dildo because it's long, hard, and filled with seamen.
What's the difference between a blonde chick and Alzheimer's?
None, because they both forget a lot.
What did the black kid say when he went to the confession booth?
"Daddy?"
What is a dog's favorite music?
Pup rock
A guy does not know anything. Oh, wait, he has dementia.
Why is it called scissoring and not lip-syncing?
Why do you Scotchmen wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.
What do 7 year old girls want?
To be ate!
I should probably stop making jokes about bulimia. They just leave a bad taste in my mouth.
The show COPS has been dropped from broadcast,
honoring the longstanding tradition of police turning off their cameras.
What do you call 8 x 3.14?
Octopi.
What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.
My departed uncle was a circus clown before he died.
So all his friends came in one car.
I asked my mum to be in the Paralympics, and she said I had to eat more vegetables.
"Octo" means 8 and an octopus has 8 legs... so where did the "pus" come from?
What do you call an Asian chick with dick in her ass, pushy and mouth?
Filipino.
I'm required by law to tell you I am a registered sex offender.
Girls are like numbers squared. If they're under 13, just do 'em in your head.
I congratulated my friend on losing all that baby weight. She started crying and told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......
What did Stephen Hawking get for his B-Day?
Chocolate arm.