Short jokes
We gave Erik ten Hag 7-Up after Liverpool thrashed Man Utd 7-0. He said, "F**k you all!"
Why did the sped kid get expelled?
Because he was tardy.
Teenager: "OMG, I’m prego, my mom's gonna kill me."
Baby: "Lmao, same"
Hoi!
How does a train sneeze?
It goes, "A-choo choo!"
Is it a bird? Is it a plane?
I don't know, but it's coming for the towers.
Girl: Come over.
Orphan: I can’t.
Girl: My parents aren’t home.
Orphan: Oh, cool, something we have in common.
Q. Why didn't Tracy Latimer enjoy her trip to Vancouver?
A. She had to go to GasTown.
Waitress: What can I get for you?
Me: I'll have a steak.
Waitress: How would you like it?
Me: Immediately!
*gets hit by a car*
Passerby: "ARE YOU OKAY?"
Me: "Please...I need my...phone."
*opens twitter*
Me: "LMFAOOOOOOO YALL GUESS WHAT"
What do you call a sad rabbit? Unhoppy.
Why isn't there a sad sunglasses emoji? To show that I am happy but I'm still cool.
What does a pedophile call an orphanage?
A supermarket.
What is the difference between Clash Royale and the Twin Towers?
Clash Royale still has a tower.
The only doctor you have is Doctor Pepper.
Dad: Hey, uh... you're adopted.
Dog: *frown*
"Wow... That ship is beautiful! I wonder what will happen if I ram into it..." - Iceberg, 1912.
Your hairline so far back, it's a wide receiver for the Minnesota Vikings.
A blind man was walking into a fish market. He took a deep breath and said, “Good morning, ladies!”
Your mom checked for your hairline, but she could not find it.
The only letters in the alphabet that you know are "KFC."