Short jokes

You can tell if a woman is angry if she is holding a gun.

What did the fat say to the other fat? I am fatey.

If you got a bowling ball and you stuck it on top of a sack of potatoes, what would you get?

A "retiree."

When you have erectile dysfunction, it could be expressed as the Leaning Tower of Pisa.

When God make white people he said, "FUCK I'M OUT OF PAINT!"

What's the difference between a gun and a penis?

The American government does not define you as having the constitutional right to a penis.

What's the difference between the Christ and Anti-Christ? The Romans put sugar syrup on the second one.

"Fuckin blakfellas be drunk all the time," slurred Barry McKenzie over his tenth pint of guiness.

If you got a priest, a Rhodes scholar, and a politician in a room, what would you get?

The Royal Commission.

Alternatively, Tony Abbott.

Did you ever see any white men drowning in the Atlantic Ocean?

Yeah, it went on and on.

What do you call a blind and illiterate military leader?

Winston Churchill.

Gnome.

I am the Titanic, and I'm looking for a place to crash tonight.

I identify as the Titanic, because I'm a wreck.

When you play Flappy Bird in 9/11, the bird is a plane and the obstacle courses are towers.

When did the cheetah steal from the bakery?

On Black Friday!!!

I saw a girl with blond hair. She was sexy and beautiful. I thought she was the most hottest girl I ever saw, so I ran up to her feeling hot.

My girlfriend asked me to hand her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn't talking to me.

2001 called... they hit the Pentagon.

How many Tottenham players does it take to win a trophy? It doesn't matter how hard they try, they still can't win one anyway.