Short jokes

I kinda feel sorry for Hitler.

Looking back at some old photos of him, his friends always left him hanging when he went for a high-five.

Joe Mama so weird, she cut her hair in a squiggly diggly haircut.

Please encourage me to do suicide! ;P

I told a joke and someone said, "no one asked." Then I said, "no one would care to even ask."

Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.

When God gives you glory, you give it back.

Joe mama so fat when she got sturdy, she tripped on her shoelaces, fell on her face, and fell down 2 floors.

They say they'll stay, but I left first.

Joe Mama so fat when she stepped on the sidewalk, I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

Why did the man get fired from the calendar factory?

He only took a day off.

Diet Day #1 - I removed all the fattening food from my house. It was delicious.

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

There's a one-story house. Everything's yellow, even the kitchen, living room, and bedrooms. What color are the stairs?

Math riddle: If I have 12 bottles of wine in one hand, and 9 in the other, what do I have?

What can you catch, but not throw?

How do you call a very long terrorist?

9/11.

What do people use more than you that is yours?

If you’ve got me, you want to share me; if you share me, you haven’t kept me. What am I?

What does a pumpkin need when it's hurt? A pumpkin patch.

I’m light as a feather, yet the strongest person can’t hold me for five minutes. What am I?

I was at the bank yesterday.

A lady asked to check her balance, so I pushed her over.