Short jokes

My suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks.

You look too old to be living with your grandma.

You like bread toasted? That means you're roasted.

My friend told me my wrist wasn't a cutting board. So I asked her if hers was at all, and if I could borrow it.

What do orphans and fathers have in common? They both don't have families to go to.

Hey girl, are you a diamond pick?

'Cause I'm as hard as obsidian.

How do Taliban parents feed their babies?

"Here comes the plane... weeee, BOOM! 💥"

Why Cristiano Ronaldo loves oranges??

Because they contain vitamin suiiiii!

Messi isn't as rich as Ronaldo. He cannot afford a Lamborghini.

We are coming out with a Whopper that is similar to a priest because it also has its meat between 5-year-old buns.

I heard that to slow the growth of fire, you use a flame retardant.

So I threw my stupid son in the flames when my house caught on fire!

The school shooter encounters the emo kid. He reaches for his gun, but the emo kid disappears. He then finds that his gun is not on him.

My friend went to buy some milk, why is she not back yet?

Why can't people in Africa have medicine?

Because you cannot have pills on an empty stomach.

Jesus was drinking when he made you.

Dislike this if you think orphans are weird.

Like this if you think orphans are cool!

Hey, I met you like way way back, just like your hairline.

I recently became the coach of an orphanage baseball team.

Because I hate dealing with parents.

Why did the rape victim think it was Christmas?

Because her clothes were torn off like wrapping paper.

Your hairline is so far away that even the Hubble Telescope can't see it.