Utterance jokes

Cow

What do you call a cow jumping over barbed wire? Utter destruction.

  • 4
  • Cow

    Why does a milking stool have 3 legs?

    Because the cow has the udder one.

    Memes

    Symptom

    - .... . / .-- --- .-. .-.. -.. / .. ... / -. . ...- . .-. / .- / -. . ...- . .-. -....- . -. -.. .. -. --. / .... . .-.. .-.. / .... --- .-.. .

    A block of black text on a white background describes someone's worry and possible fear. It mentions irregular heartbeat, heart palpitations, shortness of breath, chest pain, dizziness, pale skin, vomiting blood, and screams. It also mentions that someone's information was a lie and that something is horribly wrong with this family. The text concludes that Elyssa is screaming loudly.

    Loser

    What makes jokes because it's lonely and a complete and utter loser?

    This guy, yep, this guy right here.

    Friend

    Friend 1: Did you?

    Depressed friend 2: I didn't!

    Friend one: Swear on your life!

    Depressed friend 2: I swear.

    A week later friend 2 dropped dead to their utter delight.

    Fight

    Two friends fighting.

    Friend 3: "Cut it out, you two!"

    Friend 4: "It wouldn't help if they cut it out... Believe me... I've tried..."

    Mom

    Me when the your, uh, uhhhh, when your me when the your, uhhh, uhhhhh, mom.

    Drunk

    A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and sees a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running, building momentum before launching himself at the nun, catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head, knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement.

    He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nun's ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habit and lifting her limp to her feet till face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace, the drunk victoriously growled, "You're not so bloody tough tonight, are ya, Batman?"

  • 6