Short jokes
I hope you know CPR, because you are taking my breath away!
What’s better than winning a medal at the Paralympics?
Being able to walk.
Your mom is so weak, when she jumped from the Twin Towers, her baby became disabled.
How do you get a koala to die? Kill it.
What’s the difference between someone’s wife and a plate?
They both have to stay in the kitchen.
Why do they make glow-in-the-dark condoms?
So gay people can play Star Wars.
Why did the towers fall? Because someone in Call of Duty hijacked the planes and crashed them into it.
What does Michael Jackson and Chef from South Park have in common?
They both say "Hello children!"
Why did Stephen Hawking die so soon?
Because his misses bought the wrong batteries.
What's the best way to prank your blind girlfriend?
Fill her closet with see-through clothes.
If you were a room in my house, I’d make you the basement.
So I could put kids inside you.
Is it me, or was 9/11 too plane? I thought it would be more exciting.
What is the difference between an emo kid and a jug of milk?
The milk doesn't hang itself after it gets dumped.
You're in Australia. Your forehead is the reason why Africa is so hot.
I have returned. Anyways, what do you call it when you're actually in Panera Bread, being in Panera Bread?
The doctor said I would make it, but then Spider-Man came in holding a PS5.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Cabbage.
Cabbage who?
Cabbage doesn’t have a last name.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Broccoli.
Broccoli who?
Broccoli hasn’t got a surname!
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Goliath.
Goliath who?
I need to Goliath down and sleep!
My mom: Your life could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer.
Me: I wish I were Tracy Latimer, then someone would kill me.