Short jokes
what do you call an American looking at cloud shapes?
Oppenheimer
What's an old Japanese man's last words?
"Hey, that cloud looks like a mushroom, or is it just me?"
My son told me he has to bring an object for show and tell at school.
So I had him bring my wife.
I think God is cool with abortion.
After all, he did kill his only son.
My grandma asked me if I could visit her.
I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.
My girlfriend gave me the best blowjobs, then she grew teeth.
Why were the Twin Towers angry on 9/11?
Because they ordered a pepperoni pizza, but all they got instead was plane.
What does a depressed kid who loves geometry use to kill themself?
A hypoteNUSE!
I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.
He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.
Why is the bottom of the sea so dark?
Because Black people can’t swim.
What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?
Christianity.
My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.
I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."
What’s worse than banging your sister?
Having to wear your dad’s wedding ring.
Why didn’t the train kill nine families of four?
Because he had no loco-MOTIVE. AHAHAH
What is the difference between an Isis training camp and a school?
Not sure, I just fly the drone.
How did Mary get pregnant with baby Jesus?
God fucked her.
What do you call two gay Irishmen?
Patrick Fitz Gerald, and Gerald Fitz Patrick.
How do you turn a fruit into a vegetable?
AIDS.
Girls are like blackjack.
I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.
Others, tearfully: Stop shipping real people!!
Me, packing an old lady in a FedEx box: Nope!