Short jokes
Why did the computer go to bed?
It needed to crash.
What did the earthquake say when it was done? Sorry, my fault!
How do you cook an alligator? With a croc-pot.
How do mice floss their teeth? With string cheese.
Why did the computer catch cold?
It left a window open.
What did one volcano say to the other? I lava you.
Did you hear about the cat that ate a lemon? Now it's a sourpuss.
Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.
Have you ever had a bad sausage? It's the wurst.
Why did the drum go to bed? It was beat.
Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it.
How can you tell if a pig is hot? It's bacon.
What did the tree say when spring finally arrived?
"What a re-leaf."
When does Friday come before Thursday?
In the dictionary.
What did the boy say to his fingers? I'm counting on you.
My manager told me to have a good day. So I didn't go into work.
How many apples can you grow on a tree? All of them.
Did you hear about the roofer who went to the doctor? He had shingles.
What is the easiest way to get into a busy hospital? Try to commit suicide.
(YES I KNOW I SPELLED SCUCIDE WRONG)
What has 2 arms but no legs?
A crippled woman with no more meaning in her life.