Short jokes
Why did Stephen Hawking die when he logged onto Facebook?
It took all his info!
What died on 9/11?
2,996 people.
The twin towers are like genders, there used to be two of them.
William
What's red, green, and slimy and slides down the chip shop window?
Abortion of chips.
Why do only guys have fun? There's only the word "penis" in happiness.
Angus' love life.
I was always told I’m too small to ride, but every girl I’ve been with rated me a 9.5.
What do you do when your baby starts screaming?
Use more lube.
Fruit is like ex-wives.
They both look really good hanging from a tree.
It's said Duracell batteries are supposed to last 75 years, well Stephen, here you are.
My mom's name is Angel, and she is nothing like one!
Especially in bed...
What do Stephen Hawking and the Wicked Witch have in common?
If you throw water over them, they both die...
One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."
When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"
What do Chinese people order: noodles in bed with some fried cat?
What do you call a person with an "a" in their autism?
Why do cows die?
'Cuz they are to beef.
Surveys say that 4 out of 5 people suffer from diarrhea. That means the 5th one likes it.
Kid starts short-coming people in school. Teacher asks, "Why are you doing that?"
He responds, "I wanted to paint the walls red for Christmas!"