Short jokes
I killed a Wood elf yesterday. The guard charged me with... mer-der.
Your mom is pregnant and you're the father.
We should enjoy the present while it's here. Do you know why they call it the present? Because it's a gift.
What do an abortion and a baby have in common?
The mom doesn't want either of them.
Mathew is gay. Clap.
What kind of punch hurts a kid the most?
A sandy hook.
"Don't forget you are what you eat," said one person. "Then I should eat a skinny person!" said the other.
Stephen Hawking isn't dead, he's just can't walk to the shop and get new batteries. 🙄
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a Mexican?
I don't know, but man can it pick lettuce.
What do you call someone that looks like Stephen Hawkins and is a space head? Byron Davey.
An apple and an emo kid fall off a tree at the same time. Who hits the ground first?
The apple, because the emo kid got caught by the rope.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like.
Anyone know how to get an A on the "An Inspector Calls" section of the GCSE paper?
You're so poor you stink like poo-poo in your doo-doo.
Your mum is so poor, she can't afford free samples.
Your mother.
Why did your mum touch me? Because she was a pedo.
What’s one thing smarter than Stephen Hawking? His computer.
A war isn’t about who is right, it’s about who is left!
What’s black, white, and red? A nun that fell down a 100 flight of stairs.
What’s black, white, and laughing? The nun that pushed her!