Short jokes
I knew this one guy who liked to swim with the fishes, then the mob got a hold of 'em...
Roses are red, Violets are twisted, Come back to my place, You might get fisted.
What do you take care of after a car crash?
The witnesses.
My chance of finding love.
Kids in the backseat make accidents, and accidents in the back seat make kids.
Your d*** size...
Why can't America play chess?
They're missing two towers.
I will never forget my girlfriend's last words... "Get off of me! STOP!" *slurp*... Dead.
I will give you a nickel if you tickle my nickel pickle, Rick.
How to stop bullying?
What do you get when you cross a redneck and another redneck?
Incest.
What do you call a white man having intercourse with a black woman?
An Oreo.
What language do they speak in the middle of the earth?
CORE-ean
They say that bad things happen to good people.
So if you get run over by a car just know you're a good person.
"Well," he says, "It's what mommy calls me sometimes."
The little girl screams, "Don't eat it! It's a fucking asshole."
Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man?
A: How do you breathe through that little thing?
Bippity boppity, get the f*ck off my property.
Q: What is a Mexican's favorite restaurant?
A: On The Border.
I'll call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.
I don't understand why in horror movies they make digging a grave look so easy. It usually takes me days.