Short jokes

I went to the market to get eggs, and my sister thought that I meant my balls.

Boy, you look like the fake Chief Keef!

Two men are hunting. One asks: "Did you ever hunt bear?" The other one answers: "No, but one time I went fishing in my shorts."

What do you call 10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea?

A good start :)

Dr. Dre caught his friend Snoop Dogg looking in other people's drawers. Dre then said, "Don't Snoop around."

What do Marie Antoinette and 2005-2012 Korn have in common?

They're both Headless.

I accidentally bumped into a midget yesterday.

Me: "Are you ok sir?"

Midget: "Well, I'm not happy."

Me: "Well, which one are ya?"

My parents told me I was born on the highway.

Apparently that’s where most accidents happen.

4chan

Knock knock.

Who's there?

A murderer.

A murderer who--

Is cut off by being murdered.

Have you heard of the restaurant Karma?

There is no menu because you only get what you deserve.

What did the bull say when he went to college?

Bison!

I'm starting to wish my grass was emo.

Why?

So it would cut itself.

I like my women how I like my wine.

14 years aged and locked in a cellar.

My favorite Pixar film: Wall-E.

Have you heard the gossip about the butter? Oh, I guess I better not spread it.

My boyfriend entered a retarded contest, but they said no because they don’t allow perfectionists.

I asked my zombie boyfriend, "Does he have a brain?" Because he's stupid asf.

What do you call blue and orange at the bottom of a pool?

A baby with flat armbands!

There's a movie about constipation. It hasn't come out yet.