Short jokes
This is supposed to be worst puns but most of them are not puns.
Three people having sex is a threesome; two people is a twosome. So next time someone calls you "handsome," don't take it as a compliment.
If at first you don't succeed,
Maybe Russian Roulette isn't for you.
I hate it when people are at my house and ask, "Do you have a bathroom?" What answer are they expecting? "No, we pee in the yard?"
My great grandfather died in 9/11.
He was an amazing pilot.
What did Steven Hawking say?
Nothing.
If you're feeling numb, use your thumb.
You might be innocent, but if you carry a large sum of cash in public, the cops won’t believe that.
Why was it so hot in a square room? Because all the corners are 90 degrees.
I would have told you about a chemistry joke, but I wouldn't get a reaction.
I will remember my biker buddy's last words: "Why did you cut in front of me?"
What's fast and almost got away?
A Mexican jumping the border.
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
T-Series.
Where did Susie go after the bomb exploded?
Everywhere.
Why is calculus called calc? Because you need a calculator. Lol.
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, well not if it's poisoned.
Then the antidote becomes the most important.
I was up all night because my neighbors were having sex.
*I was actually up all night watching.*
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
What do you call a hot Mac Book Pro?
A Mac Daddy Pro.