Short jokes
At my most fear, I shit my pants.
What did the skeleton say to the genderless child? "You're fucking dead, mate."
The most famous line from Shakespeare’s play Julius Caesar is “Et tu, Brute?”
Why can’t he just speak plain English?
If only Caesar hadn’t left home that day...
Your mom is so fat she won't be in a coffin when she dies. She won't fit in it.
What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing, his mouth was full.
The greatest playwright in history found he couldn’t use lances. He could only use "Shake-spears."
What do you call Mexicans in a band trying to be a white band?
"Juan Direction."
Why though?
Where do cows stop to drink?
The Milky Way!
Where does a girl with one leg work?
IHOP.
Never break someone’s heart, they only have one.
Break their bones instead, they have 206 of them.
"Oh daddy," the kid said. "I love you so much!"
"Hey," the man responded. "Until we get the DNA test results, I'm just Harry to you!"
My grandfather says I’m too reliant on technology.
I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.
A blind woman tells her boyfriend that she’s seeing someone.
It’s either really terrible news or really great news.
Really bad penis joke.
Julius's wife always stands behind him. Therefore, whenever he looks in the mirror, he sees her (Caesar).
What did Caesar’s cat say to him?
Nothing. Cats don’t talk.
What did Julius say when he saw a woman stealing an expensive chandelier?
“Guards! Seize her (Caesar)!”
Jeffrey Dahmer was eating at 5 Guys before it was a restaurant.