Short jokes
What do you get if you cross a loaf of bread with a vagina?
A yeast infection.
Some guy called me a tool. So I got hammered and nailed his girlfriend. Guess he was right.
Teacher: How much is a gram?
Tyronne: Uhmm, depends on what you need.
Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light," He was just asking her to move.
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.
Yo mama so fat when she sits down, she sits next to everyone!
Yo mama so fat, when she went to a dating service, they ended up matching her up with Pittsburgh.
My friend asked which is better to have, and you have to choose: autism or Down syndrome?
What do you call a well endowed gay male who is also in a wheelchair?
Meals on wheels.
There is an Afghan Barbie; it’s a blow-up doll.
What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.
What does a squirrel eat? Deez Nutz in their mouth.
Yeah, Asians have squinty eyes, but that's because they have had the displeasure of seeing so many ugly obese Americans in one place.
Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?
That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.
Why are black men's eyes always red after sex?
From the mace.
Why should you keep English gay activists away from neo-nazis?
British cigarettes get smoked easily.
What do you call a 5th grader with no friends?
Sandy Hook survivor.
What's the difference between a black Jew and a white Jew?
The black Jew sits in the back of the oven.
My mom picked my major.