Short jokes
We hired this boy to pick up dog poop. We just remembered that we don't have a dog.
A man walks into a bar and orders a stiff drink. I gave him a glass of ice.
Imagine if on April first the government says, "Hahhaha, you all fell for it. Covid-19 is fake; we actually killed all those people, lol."
What's the difference between fathers and hurricanes?
Nothing. They both destroy families and then leave for a couple of years.
My fish puns aren't on porpoise.
Why did the toilet paper not make it across the street?
'Cause it got stuck in a pothole!
Poop backwards is poop. 💩
What did Batman do when he went shopping?
Got ham!
Is your middle name Fancy Feast?
'Cause your face looks like a can of dog food.
What’s the difference between me and Chester Bennington?
I know how to use an exercise band.
Two cunts were walking down the street.
One was doing calculus, and the other one says, "Imagine me, a stupid cunt that can talk...."
I don't know why Trump has orange skin but has white around his eyes. So does that mean he is some fucking dog?
I saw a lady in a bikini on the beach, so I walked up to her and said, "LET ME STICK MY DICK UP YOUR BIG ASS!"
Why was the asian late to class?
His 1 minute rice took 2 minutes to cook.
What is the leader of the school supplies?
The ruler!
What did one cow say to the other? You are mootiful!
What's the difference between drugs and kids?
I don't sell drugs.
What's the difference between the Titanic and Georgie from "It"?
Georgie floated!
Orphan: "I want to be a superhero."
Me: "You should be Batman."
Also me: *starts laughing* because Batman doesn't have parents...
Want to know why parents don't get school shooting jokes?
Because they are aimed at a younger audience.