Short jokes
What's the difference between my thighs and my eyebrows? Nothing, I slit both of them.
Once I tried to tell my friend a joke about dead people... but it went six feet underground...
Why does Donald Trump smell like dog shit? Cuz he's a dawg!
How do mountains get big?
They go trick-or-treating!
All zodiac signs have a hair style, but cancer is just a one-way thing.
I bought a Dalek egg timer recently...
After a few minutes, it shouts, "Eggs terminate!"
I wanted to play as Kobe in my console, but the game crashed.
Yo mama so fat, when she put on a yellow raincoat people see her and yell "Hey yo, taxi!"
It's gonna take a step stool to get a blow job.
What's the difference between me and an old man? No one pulled my life support.
Where do ducks poop out of?
From their buttquack.
You're walking alone on a street when a person slaps you with a silk glove and runs away. As you watch them run, 2 cops are chasing them.
The world exploded, so now I need to visit Uranus.
How do you get a blonde to drown? You tell them the bottom of the pool smells weird.
Cow: *can't be milked for 20 years*
9/11:
How do you make an apple turnover?
You push it down a hill.
What happens to grapes when you step on them? They wine.
-->[] go through the door if you can.
Hey guess what...
What...
My penis is big.
What's stiff and 6 inches long?
SIDS.