Short jokes

I thought today was going to be a good day when I woke up this morning. But then I got to the store and they said they were out of rope.

Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?

Because it's a family company...

What did an orange say the day before going to work?

"Back to the rind!"

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire today.

Now they call him Hot Wheels.

Dad, am I adopted?

NO! Why would I ever choose you?

Did you hear that Uranus is cracked?

What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?

A baby with burst armbands.

Fat people should expect big things when they take their shirt off.

What did 1 pay with at the store? A 1/4 ;)

Homeless person says to a rich person, "I'm homeless."

Rich person: "Then buy a house!"

Did you know nine of ten dentists recommend oral sex?

Herrit?

Kian. Legit, Kian is a joke.

Q) What do you call Iron Man when he can't swim?

A) Robert Drowney Jr.

You know what pun is used for "waist?"

Nothing. You'll find nothing.

It's just a waste of time.

I was making vegetable soup yesterday, but the wheelchair wouldn’t fit.

My dad drove past a graveyard. He said, "I won't be buried there." I asked why.

He said, "Because I am not dead yet!"

I was watching the local chief police in America, he said, "We will never forget 911." I thought, "I should hope not, it's your phone number."

Damn, y'all hit it hard with orphan jokes.

If someone with a lisp dropped a hammer on their foot, would they be Thor?