Short jokes

Pickled carrots.

Student: "May I use the restroom, professor?"

Professor: "Oui oui."

Student: "No, professor, doo doo!"

Stick your head up someone's butt. What do you get? A Butthead!

"Get your butt out of my face!"

"Then get your face out of my butt!!!"

"Up your butt and around the corner!"

I drove my Chevy to the levy, but the levy was... Oh, CRAP!!!

What do you call a Jedi teacher who lives in a forest?

Obi-Wan Canopy

My dad raped my mom, now I have a brother.

Your momma is so fat that she can't even go skinny dipping.

Are you suicide, cause you’re always on my mind?

VVD [is] better than Sergio Ramos.

Q: What's an animation similar to Finding Nemo, but the fish has cancer? A: Finding Kemo.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Please.

Please who?

Police, can you stop talking so we can get to the end of the joke.

Lol.

What does the depressed person say to the happy person?

"Damn, I wish I was on the stuff you're on, lol."

Depressed people have beautiful smiles. Okay, it's not a joke for normal people, but it's a joke for us.

What's a depressed person's least favorite type of cereal?

LIFE.

Why did the ocean break up with the pond?

Because the pond was too shallow.

What do you call a taco in bed?

Es(tá co)stado.

What does a Mexican not like in their drink? Ice.

How did Billy find out he was in a minefield?

He saw his dad's corpse holding a jug of milk.

What do gasses and asses have in common? They both have asses in them!