Short jokes

What does grass and Rachel Sutherland’s wrists have in common: nothing, they both get cut.

Why is the USA so bad at chess?

Because they already lost two towers.

What do kids play when they can't play with a phone?

Bored games.

Why does a woodpecker have a beak?

So as to not smash his head against the tree.

My sister said you smell, but then she saw her panties having moles on it.

I like zebras.

I thought today was going to be a good day when I woke up this morning. But then I got to the store and they said they were out of rope.

Why can't orphans work at S.C. Johnson?

Because it's a family company...

What did an orange say the day before going to work?

"Back to the rind!"

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire today.

Now they call him Hot Wheels.

Dad, am I adopted?

NO! Why would I ever choose you?

Did you hear that Uranus is cracked?

What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?

A baby with burst armbands.

Fat people should expect big things when they take their shirt off.

What did 1 pay with at the store? A 1/4 ;)

Homeless person says to a rich person, "I'm homeless."

Rich person: "Then buy a house!"

Did you know nine of ten dentists recommend oral sex?

Herrit?

Kian. Legit, Kian is a joke.

Q) What do you call Iron Man when he can't swim?

A) Robert Drowney Jr.