Short jokes
You're so skinny that your mom had to use a whole shampoo bottle on your head, but she still couldn’t find you.
Why was Hitler broke?
The gas prices are outrageous.
Why did Stephen Hawking die?
Because his wife changed the Wi-Fi password.
What do you call an orphan in a wheelchair running into fire?
Hot wheels.
What do my wife and dinner have in common? They are both vegetables.
Me and rose bushes have something in common: mangled, can hurt, red, and people only like one part.
Butcher knives are great tools for cutting many things!
Fruit, vegetables, my arms.
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: Don't take drugs kids!
Me: My therapist says I need those to live.
D.A.R.E. Lion Mascot: _escorts to school counselor_
What's overcrowded and uncomfortable?
My mind.
On a winter day many play.
Some with snow, and I with ice Used as a device to slice Somehow I'm colder now.
I want to cream, rn.
What’s the difference between your wife and a light switch?
I don’t turn on a light switch.
What type of doctor is Doctor Pepper?
A fizzician.
Me walking away after committing murder in a school with my trusty “friend”.
Why were the baker's hands brown?
Because he was kneading a poop.
Ahhhhh shit! IT’S HUNTING SEASON y’all!
"Jump in the Cadillac, girl, let's put some miles on it."
Yo mama so [full of] kidney stones Thanos used them for his gauntlet.
When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer...
"Dude come here and see a rabbit!"
"Ok!"
"Are you ok, man?"
"Yeah, I’m fine."
"Dude, pull your pants back up!"