Short jokes

You know why Hitler wouldn’t drink whisky? Because it made him angry.

You: "Captain, where is this plane going?"

Captain: "New York, 175 Greenwich Street."

Q. What's a bulimic's favorite movie?

A. The Purge.

Segma says, "32!"

Ligma Says, "And?"

Segma says, "Anding deez balls to your mouth."

If 6 guys are in a room with each other, is it technically a 6-pack?

What did the floor say to the ceiling?

"I look up to you."

I'm having lunch on the roof of the Twin Towers, and the biggest plane I've ever seen is flying toward...

I was happy for once, and my family was happy I was happy, but that all changed when they found out I was thinking about bridges and humans.

What are the similarities between orphans and unripe strawberries?

None of them get picked.

I hit a ball with a bat, it was called animal abuse.

Why can't a Leicester fan pull girls? He can only do the fox trot.

A kid decided to burn his house down.

His dad watched, tears in his eyes. He put his arm around the mom and said, "That's arson."

We have decided to delete this part of this site on 10/24/2022.

Why did the panda cross the road to get to the bamboo house?

So I went to my friend's house and he told me to make myself at home, so I kicked him out. I don't like visitors.

Fred says, "Have you heard the rumor about butter?"

Bob says, "Umm no."

Fred then says, "Ah, okay then I won't spread it."

I got caught peeing in the pool.

The lifeguard blew his whistle so hard I nearly fell in!

If your blind girlfriend says you have a big cock, she's probably just pulling your leg.

Where are the best shooting ranges in America?

Used to be in schools, but now in subways.

I hate salmonella.

It is such a pain in the butt.