Short jokes
What's the difference between a dwarf and a Japanese man?
I don't know, you tell me.
Therapist: So what brought you here today?
Wife: He's too literal.
Therapist: And you, sir?
Husband: My truck.
How do you know someone is going to die?
He can't stop coughing. (coffin)
What does a cannibal ask for when leaving a restaurant?
"Can I have a bodybag?"
What did the slaves say when they met their soon-to-be masters?
"Aaah, a ghost!"
When I said I wanted vegetable stew, I didn’t mean boil Stephen Hawking!
Whoever said men will f**k anything that moves is *dead* wrong.
I’d roast you, but your mirror does that for me every day.
I went to take out the trash, could not find you, so I went back in. The next day I found you.
Ashton Parkes.
What is the toughest part of the human body?
Anal hair, all the shit that they go through.
Why does Hitler need glasses?
Because he could Nazi.
With great depression comes great antidepressants.
What does a bear beat off with?
His bear hands.
That's wheely (really) sad.
What do you call a kid on a wheelchair?
Hot Wheels.
Why did Jesus play football?
He was Spanish, ayo.
How do you name an Asian child?
Ring the doorbell.
What did the Chinese couple name their retarded baby?
Sum Ting Wong.
Why was the broom late? Because it had overslept.