Short jokes
Haven't had sex since I got out of jail; although sex in jail wasn't that great, either.
What do you call a cat with a live in doctor?
An anemic, shrivelled cat with desperate attached owners.
You're so fat, when someone calls you fat, you get depressed and cut you a slice of cake.
Why’d the chicken cross the road?
To get choked and stroked by Mr. Big Bloke!
“We’ll choke and stroke, it ain’t no joke!”
What do you call a criminal?
Disarmed and dangerous.
"Jimmy Jimmy, Yes Papa,"
"Give away my Money, No Papa,"
"Telling Lies, OK, Ima Check my Bank Account."
El/11: Ego, My Lego.
When they said Titanic was "unsinkable," then they said, "The World Trade Centers was uncollapsible."
People on the Titanic were cracking up at my jokes, so did the Titanic. No, really, the Titanic cracked in half!
What's Jack's favorite flower? A rose.
I scanned an emo girl's arm the other day. Now I own her, only 3.99 with tax. That's a steal and a half, woopeeee!
Q: What's a ship's least favorite food? A: Iceburg-ers
What is Stephen Hawking's favorite food? Beef stroganoff.
Nepali people are so fucking racist, like I want them all to be extinct.
All Nepali love momos.
What do Indians call their father when they are born?
Data.
What's the difference between me and Elizabeth Afton?
Her dad always comes back.
Did you hear about the dwarf that had his wallet stolen? Just how low can you get?
"You are stupid. You can’t even ride a baby pony!"
What does Pikachu and an orphan have in common?
Pikachu, I choose you!