Shop jokes
I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!
Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?
What do you call a wild cow in a shop with old things?
A bull in a china shop.
Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks.
You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
Taking you to go grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
Why can't Kobe go shopping?
He's dead.
"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"
Why can orphans never go to the shops?
'Cause the Talibans will plane dive into them.
What's the difference between a shopping bag and Michael Jackson?
One is white, made of plastic, and dangerous for children. The other is for groceries.
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
Yo mama so poor, she chased a garbage truck with a shopping list.
Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony. He opened up a pasta shop and made some macaroni.
I went to the shops and still didn’t find Lucy’s dad.
Why are orphans banned from the shop?
No adult to pay for them.
Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.
Mary: If you born pikin (child) inside shop, wetin you go call that pikin (child)?
Mike: The pikin (child) go bear Bishop.
Where do orphans shop?
Home Bargains.
Mom: I'm going to the shop. If someone is at the door, don't open it.
Me: Ok.
*Ring*
Me: Opens the door.
Oh sh*t!
Mom: Gets flip flop.
Why don't gays shop at sports authority?
They prefer Dick's.
Why are Indian people bad at Monopoly?
Because whenever they hit the corner, they build a shop.