Shop jokes

I was in the corner shop to buy some lottery tickets, and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!

There's one shop orphans can't go to, but what is it?

Home Depot.

What do emo kids scan at the store? Their wrist.

Geowipp Grand Prize. And the CHOICE OF FOOD IS INSANE. We love him and we love him.

August is a guy from one of the shops, and we became a sundwich durk through Habin. We have GOT GO GO, IT WAS GRAT. That's why. But we don't do everything.

Where do orphans shop?

Home Bargains.

Mary: If you born pikin (child) inside shop, wetin you go call that pikin (child)?

Mike: The pikin (child) go bear Bishop.

Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

I was shopping for a halloween costume, but once we got to the ghost section all of the costumes were out of stock! It turned out Pristiano Penaldo was buying them all! I came up to him and asked why he was doing this and he said: I’m sorry, but it’s match day, I must be a ghost 👻👻

My 14 year old daughter went shopping at a grocery story.

She gets to the register and she asked the cashier to scan her scarred wrist.

The cashier scanned it and replied with, "Ma'am this item is worthless."

What's red, green, and slimy and slides down the chip shop window?

Abortion of chips.

If your wife has boxes and boxes ending up at your front door from her online shopping habit, tell her that you’ve only had one box through the marriage and that she should be happy.

I went to a gun shop yesterday. Everything was half off. I didn't know that back to school sales have begun.

Notice on a shoe repair shop: I’ll heel you, I’ll save your sole, I’ll even gladly dye for you.

What do you call security guards working outside of Samsung shops?

Guardians of the Galaxy. 🌌

Where do orphans get their stuff from?

The reject shop.

What is Michael Jordan's favorite coffee place? Dunkin' Donuts.

We were so poor that every time I passed by a butcher shop, I thought there had been a horrible accident.

All this Little Shop of Horrors merchandise and I still want to see more.

Look, Bono is a great guy, but shopping with him is a pain, because he still hasn't found what he is looking for.

What's the difference between a mother and a father? The mother always comes back from the shop.