Shop

Shop jokes

Michael Jackson

    • What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?

    One is made of plastic and bad for kids; the other one holds shopping.

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    • Shop memes

    Ice Cream

    • Little Johnny walked into an ice cream shop and asked: "Do you have chocolate filled ice cream?"

    The man replies: "We are out of that, sorry, we are almost out of every single flavor, do you want me to get you a vanilla filled one?"

    Johnny replies: "Sure."

    After that, the man asks for Johnny's phone and goes to back of the store. 5 minutes later, the man comes with an ice cream and Johnny's phone.

    Johnny asks: "How much for the ice cream?"

    The man replies: "Nothing, it's on the house."

    After Johnny ate his delicious ice cream, he searched for his watch history. And then Johnny realized the flavor of the ice cream.

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    • Hairline

    • This boy said, "Get your hairline straight." I said, "Girls don't have a hairline. How about you go to the barber shop and let your barber do your hair 10 times worse than he did the first time."

    Cow

    • What do you call a wild cow in a shop with old things?

    A bull in a china shop.

    Guy

    • So, a person walked into a shop.

    Shop guy: "Hey RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD RETARD."

    This is REALLY funny.

    Please upvote, comment, and like.

    Thank you very much.

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    • Tattoo

    • I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.

    A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"

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    • Woman

    • A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday.

    She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, “I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”

    “About 32,” is the reply.

    “Nope! I’m exactly 50,” the woman says happily.

    A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.

    The girl replies, “I’d guess about 29.” The woman replies with a big smile, “Nope, I’m 50.”

    Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.

    She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.

    The clerk responds, “Oh, I’d say 30.”

    Again she proudly responds, “I’m 50, but thank you!”

    While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.

    He replies, “Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.”

    They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, “What the hell, go ahead.”

    He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.

    After a couple of minutes of this, she says, “Okay, okay... How old am I?”

    He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, “Madam, you are 50.”

    Stunned and amazed, the woman says, “That was incredible, how could you tell?”

    “I was behind you at McDonalds’."

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