Shop jokes

The other day, me and my friend were at the shops buying crafts. I was wearing a black top; she was wearing a stripy top. We were arguing about who was more creative when she asked me to prove that I am. I just said, "You buy your stripes, I make mine."

Walked in to a gun store, everything was half off.

I didn't know back-to-school shopping started.

A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."

People think Kelly Clarkson shops at Wal-Mart because she's a sloppy redneck. No, it's because toddlers' pants are 75% off everyday!

My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."

When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."

I went to the store and I saw a kid with fake airpods, and I was going to tell him, "Nice fake airpods," but it was his hearing aids.

I was in the corner shop and the Indian woman was sporting a red dot on her forehead. I scratched it off and won a fucking Ford Focus!

Why do orphans hate milk? Cause their family is still shopping for it!

Why don't Indians play soccer?

Because every time they get a corner, they build a shop on it.

What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?

One is made of plastic and bad for kids; the other one holds shopping.

What did Batman do when he went shopping?

Got ham!

How do you get Wacko Jacko to come inside your shop? Have little boys' pants half off!

Q: Why do orphans eat cereal with water?

A: Because their dad is shopping for the milk.

I drove by the gun shop the other day and everything was half off for back to school.

I rode to the bottle shop on my bike yesterday. I bought a whole bottle of wine and put it in the basket on the front of my bike.

Then I thought, if I fell off my bike on the way back home, it would smash and shatter. So I drank all the wine and threw away the bottle.

It was a good idea, because I fell off my bike about four times on the way back.

Why do emos get discounts at every shop? Because they have barcodes on their wrists.

What store does an orphan hate?

Family Tree.

I went to the tattoo shop and asked for a skull.

A Jewish guy behind me said, "A skull? Back in my day, we could only get numbers!"

What's Juice WRLD's favorite place to shop at?

Answer: Forever 21.

Why don't orphans go to the shops? Because when their mum leaves, she's never coming back.