Shop jokes
Where does Captain Hook buy his hook?
At a second-hand store.
There are perks to bringing an emo to the grocery store; you can get coupons by scanning their wrist.
Bro, you look like you got your hair from the Roblox avatar shop.
Yo mama is so nasty, she buys sex toys at the second-hand shop.
I work at a tire shop.
I'm pretty tired.
Name a shop that racists don’t go to? The black market.
Why did the Twin Towers go shopping?
To get some plane bread.
A girl in the shop was getting bullied. She came to me saying, "I’m getting bullied." I told her, "Stand up for herself."
When the Mexican wanted to go shopping,
he went to Ja-mall.
I used to have a friend who worked at a car shop who liked hunting.
I’m not friends with him anymore because he turned my dog into a car-pet.
I first saw her in the Walmart picking out your drawers.
Little Johnny walked into an ice cream shop and asked: "Do you have chocolate filled ice cream?"
The man replies: "We are out of that, sorry, we are almost out of every single flavor, do you want me to get you a vanilla filled one?"
Johnny replies: "Sure."
After that, the man asks for Johnny's phone and goes to back of the store. 5 minutes later, the man comes with an ice cream and Johnny's phone.
Johnny asks: "How much for the ice cream?"
The man replies: "Nothing, it's on the house."
After Johnny ate his delicious ice cream, he searched for his watch history. And then Johnny realized the flavor of the ice cream.
Why did the Indian cross the road?
To get to the curry shop.
Why do lesbians go to Sports Authority?
Because they don't like Dick's!
Zozo went to the store and walked out with nothing, why?
Zozo the hobo is a hobo, remember? He doesn’t have any money.
What's the difference between your dad and grocery shopping?
He didn't come back with the milk.
A man walks into the taxidermist with two monkeys. The taxidermist asked if he wanted them mounted. The man said, "No. Shaking hands will be fine."
Why are orphans banned from the shop?
No adult to pay for them.
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
Yo mama so old, on her birth certificate it said "expired."
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, Skittles popped out.
Yo mama so fat, when she sat on Walmart, the prices went down.
Yo mama so poor, she chases a garbage truck with a shopping list.
Yo mama so ugly, she made the devil go to church.