People think Kelly Clarkson shops at Wal-Mart because she's a sloppy redneck. No, it's because toddlers' pants are 75% off everyday!
Yo mama so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.
A wife decided to leave for a vacation, leaving her husband in supervision of her mother and her cat. After a few days, she called her husband and asked, “How is everything going?” He responded with, “The cat is dead.” She cried out and said, “Why couldn’t you’ve broken the new slowly? You could have said the cat is playing on the roof or on the first day, and the next say it broke its leg, then the next that the poor things dead! Anyways, how’s my mom?” “She’s playing on the roof.”
A girl and a dog were dropped off at an orphanage. Why was she crying before she went in? Because the people came back for their dog.
My girlfriend treats me like God. -- She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
What did Hellen Keller do when she fell in a hole.
She screamed until her hands got tired.
“Don’t be dumb,make sure she’s numb” - bill cosby
“Would you like to play the rape game?” “No wtf” She replied “Thats the spirit!”
What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?
I don't care if she has one.
I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."
A blonde crashed a helicopter. A police officer asked her what happened. She says, "It got cold so I turned off the fan."
Yo Mama's so fat... whilst she was walking the streets of London, she accidentally bumped into someone, and that someone yelled, "Stupid American!"
A girl noticed hair growing between her legs and asked her mom about it. Her mom said it was her monkey and it grows hair.so she told her sister and her sister said that aint nothing mines already eating bananas
How did Helen keller's mom punish her? She put her in a circular room and told her to find the corner.
Why has Stephen Hawking stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector.
If depression is going to be my girlfriend. Will she leave me?
Knock Knock! Who's their? It's Dave! Dave Who? *Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother's Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
I was watching my daughter at a park she was playing with a few people another parent came up to me and said which was is yours, just for fun i said "i am still choosing" she looked horrified
