Shes jokes
An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.
"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.
The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.
"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."
My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"
A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"
His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."
So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"
She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"
The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"
"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.
The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.
"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."
I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.
Yo Momma so hairy, she has to shampoo her armpits.
What did Snow White say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
What did Cinderella say when she sat on Pinocchio? "Lie to me."
I told my teacher, "I’m failing life." She said, "That’s not on the syllabus."
Yo momma so slutty, she could use a tank truck as a dildo.
My wife treats me like God!
She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.
She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.
I dated a lot of girls before I married my wife. I was living with one of them when I arrived home one day to find her bags packed and next to the door. I asked her, "Baby, what's going on?" She said, "I'm leaving you."
"But why?" I replied.
"Because you're a pedophile!" she answered.
"That's a pretty big word for a six-year-old," I said.
Michael saw mommy kissing Santa Claus and asked her why she did that. Mommy said she was a good girl. Michael Joseph Jackson asked, "Can I be a good girl and kiss Santa Claus?" Mommy replied, "When you grow up to be a rich white woman." And now, we know the rest of the story.
The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"
He says, "No."
She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."
So, I was in the woods the other day raping this woman when she screamed, 'Please! Think of my children!' I said, 'Ooo, you kinky bitch.'
Once a woman suspected that her husband was fucking their daughter at night. So she made a plan. That night, she gave her daughter sleeping pills and told her husband that you go to sleep, I have a headache and I will sleep on the sofa in the drawing room today. After everyone slept, she picked up her sleeping daughter and laid her on the sofa and went to her bed and lay down. After an hour, the door of the room opened and one man entered the room and jumped on the bed and fucked her intensely for 2 hours. Then she turned on the light with the bed switch and said, "You definitely didn't expect me." "I definitely didn't expect you, MOM! But you are more delicious than sister"! Her son replied in surprise!
Yo momma so delusional, she thought your grandma's Venus flytrap was Audrey II.
Yo mama so Irish that she thought the Chicago Shamrox were a Quadball team.
When a deaf girl master baits, does she use the other hand to moan?
Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?
She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.