Shes jokes
So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not), and Michael Jackson's song "Billie Jean" sounds like my name, and so my mom says, as the song is playing, "(My name) is not my daughter, she's just a girl who claims that I am her mum." Wow. *applauds for mother* Love you momma =)
My girlfriend's a two, but she's turning three tomorrow.
Your mom is so ugly, she's the reason he swerved.
Your mum's so fat, she's the iceberg that sunk the Titanic!
Yo mama's so fat, she's a feminist!
I was naughty at school and my teacher said she's going to tell my dad. I was like, "Who's that?"
Yo mama is so fat that she's bigger than the cinematic Marvel Universe.
Son: I heard mom got stung by a few bees this morning. Is she ok? Hospital?
Dad: She's ok now, no hospital.
Dad: She had to take the deep penis.
Son: Umm...... WHAT!?
Dad: I had to inject her with and EPIC PENIS.
Dad: Oh, for God's sakes.
Dad: Epi Pen.
Why does Ella have cancer?
Because she’s stupid.
My mom said the only way to cure depression is to do what she does. She's dead.
When the guy asks the girl if she's wet, she replies, "Yeah, milky knickers!"
I said to my wife that she's so ugly that she threw a boomerang and it never came back.
A 90 year old man takes a Viagra.
Strips off naked, lies down in an alley way. Three chicks walk on by: a blond, a brunette, and a red head.
The red head said, "I'm not letting that go to waste," so she strips off and rides him. When she's finished,
The brunette then strips off naked and rides him. The blond's now worried because she just got her period. The red head sez, "He's dead. Don't let it go to waste," so she strips off naked and rides him. Then he wakes up. He then says, "Wow, two jump starts and a blood transfusion. I'm good to go!"
She's so ugly, she has to sneak up on a mirror.
Your mama's so fat that she's bigger than the Titanic.
Guys, my girlfriend calls me: "911, help! There’s a strange man in my room and I think he’s on drugs!"
She’s so nice.
Children are so ungrateful nowadays. I got my daughter a bike, but now she’s crying on the floor saying, “I don’t have legs!”
Why can't Helen Keller drive?
'Cause she's already dead.
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly.
Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.
The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don't care what humans think is impossible.
Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.
Ooh, black and yellow! Let's shake it up a little.
- That girl was hot. - She's my cousin!
When your girlfriend tells you she's a guy: "What, bitch? Naw, hell no!"