Shes jokes

Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.

I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.

Man: *behind the women* She's so ugly!

Woman: My back is not a voicemail, unless you're a coward and can only say it behind my back to my face.

Yo mama's so fat, she was overthrown by a small militia group, and now she's known as the Republic of Yo Mama.

She's (DYM 149).

What's the difference between me calling my girlfriend a pedophile and her calling me one?

Oh wait, I am because she's 10.

I'm just a prom night dumpster baby I got no mam or dad. Prom night dumpster baby My story isn't long, but boy, it's awfully sad. Although I came from a hole (Although I came from a hole) I'm singin' right from the soul (I'm singin' right from the soul)

My fanny needs a blanket And somebody to spank it I miss my mam But she's at the prom So I'm prom night dumpster baby Prom night dumpster baby

And I'm takin' a stroll (He's taking a stroll) I'm takin' a stroll (He's taking a stroll) I'm takin' a stroll (He's taking a stroll) Hahaha, I'm takin' a stroll (He's taking a stroll)

Yo mama's so fat, she's both in the Atlantic and Pacific ocean.

You failed Helen Keller's speech class? It's okay, she's not a very good speaker.

What do you call Mary Berry when she’s on holiday?

A Cake By The Ocean.

She's so ugly, she has to sneak up on a mirror.

Why are Helen Keller jokes so funny?

Because she’s blind and deaf.

Yo mama's so ugly, she went into a haunted house......

And came back out with a job application, then that ran away *CAUSE SHE'S A UGLY FUCK*

"Abracadabra! Alacuzam! See that woman? She’s now a man."

"After the man got some sun, I turned this banana into a gun! Now look! I now have your phone, Apple Watch, and your credit card!"

My wife left a note on the fridge that said, “This isn’t working.”

I’m not sure what she’s talking about. I opened the fridge door, and it’s working fine!

Why can't my grandma talk?

Because she's dead.

So, I walked up to my grandma and I said, "What color would you be on a rainbow cupcake?" She just turned 61, ok, ok. So I'm like, "I got it, I got it, ok, ok." She's like: "Ok, what color?" I say: "Grey."

Your mama is so fat that when she went to the scale, it said, "No elephants allowed!"

My sister thinks she's so smart and funny. The only thing that is funny is her face.

Bully: I wouldn't bother wasting my time on a shit person like you.

Me: At least I have a brain unlike you.

Bully: Well at least I have a mom unlike you.

Me: Well your mom is so fat that she got stuck in her car and started bleeding Nutella?

Bully: How would you know that?

Me: Because she told me herself.

Bully: How exactly?

Me: She's on the phone right now.

Phone: *High pitched animal noises*

Me: Told you so!

Yo mama so fat, flat earthers say she's round.