I used to date a girl with a lazy eye. Turns out she was seeing someone else the whole time.
She Jokes
The teacher called Little Johnny to her desk. She said: “This essay you’ve written about your pet dog is exactly the same essay your brother has written.”
“Of course it is,” said Johnny. “It’s the same dog.”
I was making love to this girl, and she started crying. I said, “Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?” She said, “No, I hate myself now.”
– Rodney Dangerfield
A: Why are you so sad?
B: I was watching porn, and all of a sudden my wife opened the door.
A: Ok, I see, but is that really such a big deal?
B: I mean, she opened the door in the movie!
My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.
Your mama's so fat when she sat on the toilet, the toilet said, "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, get your fat ass off of me!"
When Ariana Grande broke up with Pete, she said, "I have one less problem without you."
Yo mama so fat, when she stepped on the scale it said, "To be continued," and it said, "Fuck you."
Went to see a psychic the other day.
I knocked on the door, and she said, "Who is it?"
So I turned around and left.
Your mama is so fat that when she fell, I didn't laugh, but the concrete cracked up.
Yo mama so dumb, when Fox Five said it's chilly outside, she brought a bowlllllll!
Your mama so fat, she walked by a TV and missed eight episodes.
Yo momma so fat that she don't need a backpack. She keeps her things in her Lagrangian points.
There's a blind hooker in town.
She never sees anyone coming.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? She had no arms.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Not Sally.
Did you know Hellen Keller had a doll house in her backyard? Neither did she.
Q. What does a Russian girl do when she gets unexpectedly pregnant?
A. Has an abortion.
Wow, Gwen even said she loves TJ! She just did!
Prince, look at it. You are going to be crushed. It is in bored jokes and it has 65 comments, look there!
Why was the turtle looking at her phone?
She wanted to take a shellfie.
Today I told my sis, "Knock knock."
She said, "Who's there?"
I said, "I Eat eat my mop."
She said, "I eat mop poo instead of who."
