She jokes

I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.

Susie was in her mother's room one night, as her mother was getting ready for bed. She had slipped off her blouse; her boobs, plum and perky. Susie had asked what are those and will I get them? Her mother had said they were boobs and she would grow some in a few years. Her mother told Susie to find her father and say goodnight.

So Susie left, headed down the hall to the bathroom where her father was showering. Susie knocked on the door, he said come in. He had moved the shower curtain over just a bit. Susie said she loved him, and then seen her father's dick. Shocked, Susie asked her father what that was and if she would get one. Her father said it was a dick, and he said Susie would get it after her mother went to bed.

What did the hooker say when she found out the cash she was paid with for services rendered was counterfeit?

I've been raped!

Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory?

She was fed up with the hole business.

The black nurse tells me she has been a vegan for 29 years. The father sitting next to me asks, "So you don't miss fried chicken?"

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain, who name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds: "They're twins. If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

How do you know a woman is blind?

Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.

How does Hellen Keller meet men?

She goes on blind dates.

My wife treats me like God!

She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.

If your wife has boxes and boxes ending up at your front door from her online shopping habit, tell her that you’ve only had one box through the marriage and that she should be happy.

She said she wanted me to treat her like a dishwasher. So I loaded her up, ran her through a rough cycle, and left her wet and broken on the floor.

The girl asks her boyfriend, "Are you jealous of my heart?"

He says, "No."

She says, "Because it's pumping in me and you're not."

How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?

She unlocks the handcuffs.

Why can Elsa hold a balloon? She will "Let It Go"!

I asked the librarian if the library had any books on paranoia.

She whispered, "They're right behind you!"

My girlfriend just broke up with me because I held a door for another girl. She said I was cheating, but the girl I helped was in a wheelchair.

Yo mama's so stupid, she stared at the orange juice because it said "concentrate."

She be hubba on my bubba till I gum.

I asked my friend what the best gay joke is, and she said "You."

Yo mama's so stupid, she tried to eat Eminem.