Been single for a couple of years and then I met this Muslim girl. She soon put the spark back into things.
Tonight, I picked up an anorexic prostitute.
It was really easy because she was only about 90 pounds.
If you look for something for 10 days and a woman walks in, opens a cabinet, and finds it:
So, just hire a female pope for the Holy Grail that has been missing for 500 years so she just opens a cabinet and she finds it.
My girlfriend told me women are better at multitasking than men. So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what...
She couldn't do either!
I hope Betty Pears was a Buckcherry fan.
She literally died a crazy bitch.
Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?
A. She didn't know how to swallow.
Alberta Premier Danielle Smith is in hot water for importing $49 million worth of Tylenol that medical facilities couldn't even use.
I have a few suggestions about what she can do with all that Tylenol.
My mom thinks I need to stop objectifying women. I think she is overreacting.
She asked why I broke up with the last girl, and I said,
"It didn't work out."
She told me to be more specific, so I said,
"I just told you, she didn't exercise."
When I was a kid, I knew a woman named Betty Pears.
She died a horrible death from Alzheimer's.
I thought a pear was a fruit, not a vegetable!
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
Yo mama is so fat, she falls off both sides of the bed.
My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.
What a weird way to start a conversation!
I wanted to fuck my mom, but she replied, "My pussy only belongs to your dad." That's why I had to fuck her in the a$$!
Opal didn't hack RapBoat's account, she WAS RapBoat the whole time.
Yo mama's so fat, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl!
Yo mama's so stupid, she frickin' died at the Super Bowl!
I asked Siri why I am still single; she showed me a pic of my mom riding on my dick!
Yo mamma is so dumb that she smokes to burn calories!
How do you know a woman is blind?
Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.
Your mama's so fat, she runs a trade deficit with food!
