She jokes

Your mum is so cool, she looks like a fridge. Quote: Jude Porters.

Your mum is like a Golden Knight. She will still attack my tower with troops in the way, like Jude Porter.

Is she saying, "Watch for red flags because he's toxic," or is he socialist?

Michael Jackson, who's terrified of adult women, once had a girlfriend, but broke it off with her. When she asked him why, he said, "It's not you, it's me-hee-hee."

Your mama is so fat that when she jumped, they found water on Mars.

Your momma so slutty, she got banned from Heavy-R.

Your mama can't walk up the stairs because she eats too much chips.

They're teaching my 1st grader pronouns! Today it was he/she/they. Tomorrow, you/are/is!

If she's not ready for an X-rated movie, she's not ready for this X-rated booty.

Did you hear about the lesbian midget? She probably came out of the cabinet.

The president of the USA is so damn stupid. His mother must have taken Tylenol while she was pregnant with him, or something.

If a prostitute is celebrating her birthday, does she get a hoecake?

A team of cops and a news reporter are at a home where a violent crime has been committed. The head news reporter, in front of the camera, says, "A woman in this house has killed her husband because he stepped on the floor while she was mopping." He then turns around and asks a cop, "Has the woman been arrested yet?" The cop replies, "Not yet, we're waiting for the floor to dry."

What does it mean if you can remember a girl's eye color?

She had small tits.

Siri is so ugly that she needs to go in the dumpster. She's so ugly that she needs to go in the toilet.

Your mama so fat, when she walked past the TV, you missed two episodes.

An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.

"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.

The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.

"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."

My wife and I watched the movie Indecent Proposal last night. Afterwards, I asked her if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for $1,000,000. She said, "Sure, but where am I gonna get that kind of money?"

A boy is working on his English homework and asks his father for some help. "Dad, what's the difference between 'potential' and 'reality'?"

His dad replies, "I'll tell you what. Go ask your mother if she'd sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks. Then go ask your sister if she'd sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks. Once you have their answers, you'll know the difference."

So the boy goes to his mother and poses the question: "Would she sleep with Robert Redford for a million bucks?"

She answers, "Don't tell your Dad, but yes, I certainly would!"

The boy then goes to his sister and asks her his next question: "Would she sleep with Brad Pitt for a million bucks?"

"Oh definitely!" she answers, without a moment's thought.

The boy goes back to his father, an expression of understanding on his face.

"You're right, Dad, I know the difference now. Potentially, we're sitting on two million bucks. In reality, we're living with a couple of sluts."

I hooked up with my German girlfriend. It was really distracting when she kept saying her age.