My wife said I didn’t listen to a single thing she says.
What a weird way to start a conversation!
I wanted to fuck my mom, but she replied, "My pussy only belongs to your dad." That's why I had to fuck her in the a$$!
Opal didn't hack RapBoat's account, she WAS RapBoat the whole time.
Yo mama's so fat, she brought a spoon to the Super Bowl!
Yo mama's so stupid, she frickin' died at the Super Bowl!
I asked Siri why I am still single; she showed me a pic of my mom riding on my dick!
Yo mamma is so dumb that she smokes to burn calories!
How do you know a woman is blind?
Because she can’t see the kitchen or the laundry.
Your mama's so fat, she runs a trade deficit with food!
Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times, and she won’t believe you.
Tell a woman she’s fat once, and she will remember it for the rest of her life.
This morning I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.
I was staring at boobs, and she said, "Press One?"
So I did...
I don't remember much after that.
I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?
She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"
To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"
I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?
She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"
To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"
Roses are red. Sunflowers are yellow.
Your mom is so fat she looks like a marshmallow.
A man accidentally elbows a woman's boob as she is standing behind him in a hotel lobby. The man apologizes profusely and says, "If your heart is as soft as your breasts, I know you'll forgive me."
To which the woman replied, "If your dick is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 318."
My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!
There once was a man named Dave who dug up a prostitutes grave, she was as moldy as shit and missing a tit, but think of all the money he saved
When Mother Teresa went to heaven, she was greeted by Saint Peter with a halo for her dedication to the needy. After walking around for a while, she saw Lady Diana with a bigger halo. She got angry at Lady Diana and went to Saint Peter and asked him why she had a bigger one, and Saint Peter said, "Oh, that’s not a halo, that’s a steering wheel."
Why did the autistic ice cream run away from the party?
She had a meltdown.
How do you tell whether you’ve satisfied a redhead?
She unlocks the handcuffs.
