She jokes
My friend is a proud liberal, and she is about open minds, but she hates white men unless they’re gay and black men unless they’re conservatives. She hated slavery, but she’s for the party for keeping it.
Yo mama so fat, when she is on her period, she floods the entire town with her blood.
My sister was getting something from the basement, and seeing rats, she said: "Rats are so disgusting and ugly."
I turned to her, "Sis, self-hate is not okay."
I hear Cornell produces very dedicated farmers; they’ll plow a field all night long no matter how much resistance she gives ’em.
Why did I get a divorce, you ask? Well, last week was my birthday. My wife didn't get me a present and didn't even wish me a happy birthday. My parents forgot and so did my kids. I went to work and even my co-workers didn't wish me a happy birthday.
As I entered my office, my secretary said, "Happy birthday, boss!" That moment, I felt so special. She then asked me out for lunch. After lunch, she invited me to her apartment. We went there and she said, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?"
"Okay," I said.
She came out 5 minutes later with a birthday cake, my wife, my parents, my kids, my friends, and my colleagues all yelling, "SURPRISE!!!" while I was waiting on the sofa... naked.
Yo mama so sad that when Alejandra Parma died, she bought 20 Cocomelon Happy Meals from McDonald's and became fat.
Child: Dad, I want you to say "I'm a Man" after everything I say!
Dad: Uh, okay?
Child: My wife cheated on me.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: So I went to the bar.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: I met a hot girl.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: So I brought her home.
Dad: I'm a man.
Child: After sleeping together, she woke up, faced me and said...
Dad: I'm a man.
I met a lewd nude in Bermuda
Who thought she was shrewd: I was shrewder;
She thought it quite crude
To be wooed in the nude;
I pursued her, subdued her, and screwed her.
Michael J. Fox's wife doesn't need a vibrator; she has her husband.
Your mama's so crazy, she cooks her chicken drumsticks in raspberries and milk.
Your mama's so crazy, she thought Mike Tyson had some boots and cats up his sleeve.
I asked a librarian if they had a section with Rocky Horror books.
She said: "Sure, just take a jump to the left and then a step to the right."
Yo mama so stupid, she thought Mountain Dew was a real mountain.
My sister saved a guy from suicide last week.
She was hiking and the guy was on the ridge of a high, narrow cliff. She talked him down, but I think he was just being edgy.
What's the best part about getting a lap dance from an Asian woman?
Her eyes are so narrow that she can't see if you don't pay her.
I whopped my daughter's butt because she doesn't listen.
I now have a court date for child abuse and crimes against a deaf person.
I was watching the news and heard a segment about a blind hooker who got stabbed 40 times.
At least she didn't see it coming.
Yo momma so dumb, she thought this joke was funny.
Yo momma so ugly she scares herself when she looks in the mirror.
Yo momma so dumb, she failed movie day.