Sex jokes

I wrote "my pen is big," but forgot to space "pen is."

Did you hear about the dyslexic couple who were struggling to have sex? They kept doing the 96 positions.

Q: What's the best thing about fucking 28 year olds?

A: There's 20 of them.

So, a man finds a woman on a train track while he's on his way to a bar, and they had a lot of sex.

When he gets to the bar, he brags about the different sex positions they used, and one of the guys says, "Oh, did you do head?"

He responded with, "No, I couldn't find the head."

We aren't ghosts, but I'll take you under the sheets.

Little Johnny walked to his parents' room. They were having sex, and Little Johnny didn’t know what that was, so he said, "What are y’all doing?"

The parents replied, "Umm, r-rapping presents!"

Little Johnny said, "Okay," and then left. In the morning, Little Johnny opened his presents. His parents said, "This one is from Santa!"

Little Johnny said, "No, it’s not, y’all said y’all were rapping the presents."

The parents said, "Ohh fuck!"

Little Johnny replied, "What, Mommy and Daddy?" They replied, "Oh, nothing!" "Oh, okay," Little Johnny said. The mom whispered in the dad's ear, "At least he doesn’t know the truth."

Little Johnny said, "What truth?"

Your momma is so fat, when she gets done having sex she rolls over and smokes a ham.

My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.

My arse hole hurts like no joke, man. I just had to tell that your heads a peanut, you fucking nonce, kid, you fat fuck sack, your mum you dirty cow!

What's harder than nailing a dead baby to a tree?

My dick while I'm doing it.

Why can't orphans have sex? Because they have no one to call "daddy."

A kid goes to bed with his dad because he’s scared of the dark. Turns out he just wanted to have sex.

What do you do if your dick is smoking?

Get your mum to lick it.

Spread my legs like butter n finger me hard. 👅👅👅

What was the doctor's diagnosis on a dinosaur with a low sex drive? Teraerectile dysfunction.

A married couple are on holiday in Italia. They look at the Leaning Tower of Pisa. He says: - Look, honey, this tower is crookedly standing! She: - Shut up!

(Standing means: penis erection)

What do physically handicapped gay men do after they are done belching? They wipe their mouths on their light blue handkerchiefs after they are done sucking cocks.

My man is a pussy cunt that sucks my dick.

Joke's on him, he just asked me for bobs and vegana.

What do you call your Indian best friend who is the ABSOLUTE BEST at cunnilingus? A Curry Muncher.

How are Kentucky Fried Chicken and a woman the same?

Once you take away the legs and the breasts, you’re left with one greasy box to put your bone in.