Sex

Sex jokes

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Nun

    • The very young and pretty nun was walking home from the soup kitchen when a homeless man dragged her into the woods and had his way with her.

    When he was done, he asked her what she would tell the Mother Superior when she got back to the convent. She calmly said that she would tell her the truth.

    She said: "I will tell her that I was on my way home when the most disgusting, repulsive, and abhorrent man dragged me into the woods and had his way with me... twice; that is if you are not too tired."

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    Son

    • Son said to father, "Last night was the best you and Mom..."

    Father said, "Yeah, me, you, and your mother had sex."

    Son said, "It was fun licking her pussy."

    Father said, "I know it was fun when I sucked YOUR dick and your mother did. Did it feel good?"

    Son said, "Yes, it was. Wanna do it again tomorrow?"

    Father said, "YES BUT without your mom, we'll suck each other's dick and lick it and bite and shove each other's dick next to each other."

    Son said, "Yeah, and if we do it again, let's have Mom and my girlfriend join next time."

    Father said, "Ok, it's time to go to bed, son."

    Son said, "Ok, love you, can you and Mom sleep with me without your clothes?"

    Father said, "Ok, but you have to promise to go to bed."

    Son said, "Ok, see you there." 💕👅👅👅💦💦💦💦💦💦🙈🙈💦💦💦💦💦

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    Arthritis

    • On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.

    Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

    "Do you know what arthritis is?"

    The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

    "It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."

    The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.

    A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:

    "How long have you had arthritis?"

    "I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."

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    Car

    • A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"

    The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."

    Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"

    The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."

    So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.

    Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"

    The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."

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    • Revenge

    • My stepmom kicked me out of the house because I was raped and got pregnant. I kicked her to death because she had sex and gave birth to my rapist stepbrother.

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    Penis

    • A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."

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    • Uncle

    • This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.

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