Sex jokes
911 what's your emergency?
Me: Officer, my girlfriend is dead!
Operator: What happened!?
Me: She bit the tip.
A little girl and a little boy are taking a bath together when the little girl looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little boy says, "That’s my little red race car."
Ten minutes later, the boy looks down and asks, "What's that?"
The little girl says, "That’s my little red race car garage."
So later that night, the little boy asks the little girl if he can put his little red race car in her little red race car garage. She said yes, and then they pull down their pants and the boy tries putting his little red race car in her garage, but it won’t fit.
Downstairs, the mother hears an ear-piercing scream and runs up the stairs, flips on the lights and sees blood on the floor. The mother asks, "What happened?"
The little girl says, "We tried putting his car in my garage and it wouldn’t fit, so I cut the back wheels off."
What's so special about Palestinian sex dolls?
They blow themselves up.
What's something you can say in church and while having sex?
I come in the name of the Lord.
What do you call a prostitute in a wheelchair?
Hot wheels.
Q. What does Jeffrey Epstein get his sex partners for their birthday? A. Crayons.
Q: How do you stop babies from being conceived through incest?
A: Cum on your cousin's face.
Why is pounding your mom like playing video games?
Because once you start, you just can’t stop until you win!
When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."
A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."
What does a sex offender that is a lesbian have in common with a sex offender that is a feminist?
They only performed cunnilingus on girls under 18 years old.
Where do babies get baptized?
So the priest can wash their sex toys.
This is not a joke, but if your uncle tells you, "Bend over, touch your toes, I'll show you where the monster goes," don't do it, hehehehehe.
Why do vegans use blowjobs?
Because they can’t take real meat.
What do you call it when a bunch of guys who look the same have an orgy?
A doppelgangbang.
Why didn't the opening photo actually have a pic of sex on it? I have always wanted to see porn, too bad I have parents and a school Chromebook.
My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.
Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.
Nancy, the throat goat!
NASA stands for... National Adult S3x Association.
I met an amazing girl online. Smart, sexy... uninhibited.
Of course it turned out to be a 12 year old paraplegic boy... I have to admit... The sex was disappointing.