Sex jokes

My sister told me she liked Medusa.

I said, "Huh?"

My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy's facial expression, and when they look down, they do nothing but stay still.

(insert funny joke about a dick here).

Did you laugh? Be honest.

What's the definition of a bastard?

Answer: A man with a 1 inch dick and a 10 inch tongue and all he wants to do is fuck!

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 was a registered *sex* offender.

"Hi, honey, how do you want buns?"

"Doin' your mom, doin', doin' your mom."

I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart!

A daughter asked her mother how to spell penis. Her mom said, "You should have asked me last night. It was at the tip of my tongue."

When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."

What do you call a prostitute in a wheelchair?

Hot wheels.

Why do vegans use blowjobs?

Because they can’t take real meat.

What's something you can say in church and while having sex?

I come in the name of the Lord.

Why is pounding your mom like playing video games?

Because once you start, you just can’t stop until you win!

Once a man goes to a restaurant. Then, he was waiting until the waitress comes and tells him that they don't have food.

He was grumpy, but the waitress make him relaxing by unbuttoning her pants and undressing her panties and uncovering clothes from her pussy until everything get striped, then she say to him: "Good meal."

My stepmom kicked me out of the house because I was raped and got pregnant. I kicked her to death because she had sex and gave birth to my rapist stepbrother.

Jack and Jill went up the hill so Jack could lick her candy, but Jack got a shock and a mouthful of cock because Jill’s real name was Randy.

Women are like marshmallows because they are white, squashy, and we put our sticks inside you.

What can a gay man with a physical disability do better than a heterosexual woman that doesn't have a physical disability?

Suck a big cock.

You know why women wear tampons?

So the crabs could bungee jump!

Roses are red, lemons are sour, open your legs and give me an hour.