Sex jokes

Why does the environmentalist pimp have his hoes fuck bareback?

He wants to keep condoms out of landfills.

Jack and Jill went up a hill so Jill could lick Jack's candystick, but Jill got a surprise when she saw her boyfriend Rik. He got so angry Jack has no candystick no more. Jill went home with a black eye, and Rik got arrested for cutting Jack's candystick.

Charizarding.

When you light a girl's pubes on fire, put it out with your jizz, then flap your arms and say, "You don't have enough badges to train me!"

How to give a good hand job?

Bop it. Pull it. Twist it. Harder. Better. Faster. Stronger. You put your left hand in. You put your left hand out. You put your left hand in and shake it all about.

None of you ever touch my penis.

Let's play twin towers, your thighs are the towers and my penis is the plane, coming in between.

What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?

"Goodnight, Mom!"

Chuck Norris is a genius for this: Walker Texas Ranger = Wrangler Karate Sex.

What do you call a midget stripper?

A pocket pussy.

Big pp suck sook.

I f..... Nan and dust came out. 😂

How do skeletons make love?

They bone each other!

Jack: Hey Josh!

Josh: What?

Jack: Sex!

Josh: Huh?

Jack: SEX!!

Josh: I don't get it.

Jack: Exactly ;)

Are you a haunted house?

Cuz I am gonna be screaming when I come inside you.

Who discovered shrimp were edible?

Probably the same one who invented the blowjob.

Why do orphans love blowjobs?

Because they actually get kissed!

Dick sucking.

A customer came to me and asked for condoms for tiny dicks.

A condom!

Why did two dumb blondes put condoms on the cow's udders because they wanted the cow to practice safe sex?

Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.