Sex jokes

Why do orphans love blowjobs?

Because they actually get kissed!

A customer came to me and asked for condoms for tiny dicks.

Are you a haunted house?

Cuz I am gonna be screaming when I come inside you.

Who discovered shrimp were edible?

Probably the same one who invented the blowjob.

Why did two dumb blondes put condoms on the cow's udders because they wanted the cow to practice safe sex?

A condom!

What's the difference between anal and oral sex?

An and Or!

I f..... Nan and dust came out. 😂

Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.

Big pp suck sook.

Chuck Norris is a genius for this: Walker Texas Ranger = Wrangler Karate Sex.

Let's play twin towers, your thighs are the towers and my penis is the plane, coming in between.

What do you call a midget stripper?

A pocket pussy.

What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?

"Goodnight, Mom!"

Jack: Hey Josh!

Josh: What?

Jack: Sex!

Josh: Huh?

Jack: SEX!!

Josh: I don't get it.

Jack: Exactly ;)

How do skeletons make love?

They bone each other!

On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.

Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

"Do you know what arthritis is?"

The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."

The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.

A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:

"How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."

What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?

I don't have a girlfriend.

So, this woman woke up since she had a bad dream and was yelling about her bad dream. Then, in the bed, her husband woke up and said, "Hey! You just woke me up in a sweet dream!" She said, "Oh, sorry babe." Then she asked him what his dream was about, and he responded like, "I was with a woman; me and her was in the middle of dreamy sex; you just ruined it!" She said, "AAAAh!" He asked her what her dream was about, then she replied as, "I was trying to suck a man's penis, and a cock trying to get cummiee out of it!"

If they made a movie about your sex life, what would the title be?

Mine would be "Alien Vs. Predator."