Sex jokes
Mom: Remember, you can tell me anything.
Abbie: I had sex with dad.
Mom: Go die in a hole!
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
Last night I had sex and she said, "Stop talking about s***, OMG!" and I made her scream so loud she said, "Her balls hurt!"
Prostitutes remind me of chewese.
What does gum in my d*ck have in common?
Both get chewed on by little kids.
Yo girl... do you like squirrels, because I'm about to nut in your hole.
Having sex in the woods and a deer walks up and fucks you from the back.
What is the difference between a woman performing anilingus on a man and a woman performing fellatio on a man?
If a woman is performing anilingus on a man, it is not classified as heterosexual sodomy, you fucking idiot!!!!
The FBI wants to steal my penis. Can I hide it inside you?
Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.
So, one time poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.
He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.
Only one of Kenny's girlfriends has ever said he's good in bed.
But she has to. She's his mom.
Dad's secretary left her position, he told me I could take it if I want it. He also told me the job pays well but there is a lot to catch up on. He kept me under the pump all week.
In Antarctica, there are ice dicks for ladies to hop onto.
Little do they know I've been waiting for this moment.
What do you call a sexually attracted pizza who spoons another pizza?
A Topping.
Why doesn't Barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box!
My ex-boyfriend's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.
How did the Scottish man find the sheep in the tall grass?
Satisfying.
What's the difference between me and you?
I leave white stains in your mom's bed, and you leave white stains in my mom's bed!
When someone keeps talking while you are trying to focus on something, what is the rudest thing you can say to them?
SHUT UP!!!
How do you make it hard for a rapist who is trying to rape you? Rub it.