Sex jokes

What do you call a midget stripper?

A pocket pussy.

A customer came to me and asked for condoms for tiny dicks.

Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.

How do skeletons make love?

They bone each other!

Dick sucking.

Why do orphans love blowjobs?

Because they actually get kissed!

Who discovered shrimp were edible?

Probably the same one who invented the blowjob.

Are you a haunted house?

Cuz I am gonna be screaming when I come inside you.

A condom!

Why did two dumb blondes put condoms on the cow's udders because they wanted the cow to practice safe sex?

What's the difference between anal and oral sex?

An and Or!

I f..... Nan and dust came out. 😂

Big pp suck sook.

Jack: Hey Josh!

Josh: What?

Jack: Sex!

Josh: Huh?

Jack: SEX!!

Josh: I don't get it.

Jack: Exactly ;)

On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.

Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

"Do you know what arthritis is?"

The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."

The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.

A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:

"How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."

What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?

I don't have a girlfriend.

So, this woman woke up since she had a bad dream and was yelling about her bad dream. Then, in the bed, her husband woke up and said, "Hey! You just woke me up in a sweet dream!" She said, "Oh, sorry babe." Then she asked him what his dream was about, and he responded like, "I was with a woman; me and her was in the middle of dreamy sex; you just ruined it!" She said, "AAAAh!" He asked her what her dream was about, then she replied as, "I was trying to suck a man's penis, and a cock trying to get cummiee out of it!"

If they made a movie about your sex life, what would the title be?

Mine would be "Alien Vs. Predator."

Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."

Day 70 without sex, my doctor asked me, "Are you sexually active?" I said, "Why, what you tryna do?"