Sex jokes

Who discovered shrimp were edible?

Probably the same one who invented the blowjob.

Are you a haunted house?

Cuz I am gonna be screaming when I come inside you.

Jack: Hey Josh!

Josh: What?

Jack: Sex!

Josh: Huh?

Jack: SEX!!

Josh: I don't get it.

Jack: Exactly ;)

Big pp suck sook.

What's the difference between anal and oral sex?

An and Or!

Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young to be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.

I f..... Nan and dust came out. 😂

How do skeletons make love?

They bone each other!

What do you call a midget stripper?

A pocket pussy.

What are the last two words you say after sex before going to sleep?

"Goodnight, Mom!"

On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.

Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:

"Do you know what arthritis is?"

The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:

"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."

The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.

A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:

"How long have you had arthritis?"

"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."

What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?

I don't have a girlfriend.

So, this woman woke up since she had a bad dream and was yelling about her bad dream. Then, in the bed, her husband woke up and said, "Hey! You just woke me up in a sweet dream!" She said, "Oh, sorry babe." Then she asked him what his dream was about, and he responded like, "I was with a woman; me and her was in the middle of dreamy sex; you just ruined it!" She said, "AAAAh!" He asked her what her dream was about, then she replied as, "I was trying to suck a man's penis, and a cock trying to get cummiee out of it!"

If they made a movie about your sex life, what would the title be?

Mine would be "Alien Vs. Predator."

Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."

Day 70 without sex, my doctor asked me, "Are you sexually active?" I said, "Why, what you tryna do?"

What's 72?

69 with 3 people watching.

What is the difference between acne and a priest?

Acne waits for a boy to turn twelve before it comes on his face.

Once upon a time, there was a man named Daniel. He was blind and deaf, and he worked at a morgue.

So one time, poor Dan got confused and started having sex with the rotting corpse.

He then came home and thought he was at the morgue, so he started disintegrating his sleeping wife.

My wife purely hates me for me having sex with our daughter.

It's not my fault I couldn't wait to get out of the abortion clinic!