Sex jokes
What's the worst thing about eating a shaved pussy?
Putting the diaper back on.
What is the most expensive type of sex you will ever enjoy in your life? The type which will shorten your life by 5 to 10 years.
A man walks into a forest and sees a girl crying. He asks her, "What is wrong?"
She replies, "I lost my family, my friends, and my home."
The man then unties his pants and says, "Then young lady, your day is about to get worse!"
What does a blowjob from an 80-year-old and bungee jumps have in common?
You feel the rush, but don't look down.
penis balls cum <3
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
My penis.
There was this guy who asked a girl how much her hand jobs are. "$25k." How much are your blowjobs? "$50k." How much do you charge to have sex on the street? REPLY: "I would if I had a pussy."
What flavor ice cream do rape victims enjoy?
Cock flavor.
Watching porn.
Watching porn blow my dick like a basset horn.
What do you call a fat bitch that eats cum from used condoms? Your mom!
Why can't orphans have sex? Because they have no one to call "daddy."
Kenny's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I gave him a thumb and forefinger job.
A bicurious man goes to a gay bar.
A gay man offers him a drink.
The bi man explains he doesn't know if he's gay or not.
"That's fine," he says, "let's just have a drink."
The gay man asks him for a dance, and he explains again he isn't sure if he's gay or not.
Eventually, the gay man invites him to go home with him to hang out as friends.
They get to his house, and the gay man says, "Do you fancy having sex?"
He isn't sure, so the gay man explains, "I'll push in slow, and at any point you want to stop, make animal sounds, and if you like it, start singing."
So they get to it, and the gay man pushes in slowly, the bi man bursts out "MOOOOO MOOOOO MOOOOOOVVVEE CCLOSSEEERRRR"
One day whilst walking up a hill, Jack saw a prostitute named Jill. Jill was dressed in kinky, leather gear that made Jack really, really horny.
Jack, who hadn't stuck it in for a few weeks, was keen to ask this sexy young maiden how much she would charge. "1 buck for a suck, 2 buck for a fuck," she said as she stroked his ever-hardening one-eyed snake.
"Yeah, I'll have both of them," said Jack, who was about to cum in his trousers. So Jill led Jack to behind the well, and they sucked and fucked for an hour. After that, they both contracted AIDS and died of it, as they did not see a doctor. THE END
What do you call nuts on a chin?
My penis in your mouth.
Dick cheese, booty hole, yellow cum shot, anal shit, dick hole, ass brownies.
Why can't orphans convert to Catholicism?
Because Catholics believe in no sex before marriage.
What do lovely men and tampons have in common?
Both lick up the juices of the women they were made for.
penis.
I like penis.
Prostitutes remind me of chewese.