Sex jokes
Broccoli is like anal sex.
If you're forced to have it as a child, you probably won't like it as an adult.
Roses are red, lemons are sour.
Open your legs and give me an hour.
Always practice safe sex: paint an X on the sheep that kick.
Dad: Uh, yeah!
Son: Mom, Dad, what are you doing!
Parents: Sex!
Son: What?
Parents: Look, you can spectate!
Why does the environmentalist pimp have his hoes fuck bareback?
He wants to keep condoms out of landfills.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a trash bag?
There's a limit to how much trash goes in the trash bag.
Why do vegetarians give good head?
Because they’re used to eating nuts.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef!
I'mma flip this coin, if it lands on heads, tuh, you gotta give me head, if it lands on tails then you gotta give me the booty, so lets give this a try *flips coin* OOP! Would ya look at that, it landed on both, ESSKETIT!
What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
By the time you're done with the breasts and the thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.
What's that useless skin around the vagina and the boobies?
The women.
I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.
Why is my dick like a balloon?
The more you blow it, the bigger it gets.
What's the difference between Tyler and a rooster? A rooster says, "cock-a-doodle-doo," Tyler says, "any cock will do."
What do you call sex?
Making cake.
What is 6.9?
A beautiful thing ruined by a period.
If life was like Pacific Rim, I'd say your mom's pussy was a category 5.
I suck big weiner.
I eat ass.