When I masturbate, things cum.
When an old man does, no one cums.
How does a blonde turn off the light after having sex?
She opens the car door.
I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"
What's great about having sex with twenty-eight year olds?
There's ate of them.
What did your mom get for Christmas?
A big black horse dildo.
My cock was in the book of world records...
The librarian told me to take it out.
A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.
Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.
A boy walks in on his mother riding his father. "What are you doing?" the boy asks his mother. "I'm jumping on daddy to make him thin," said the mother. "Don't bother," said the boy, "when you go shopping, the lady next door comes and blows him up again."
What's the best part about having sex with twenty-seven year olds?
There's twenty of them!
What's the best part of having sex with a baby?
Deep throat and anal at the same time.
Why was Helen Keller's belly button bruised?
Her boyfriend was blind too.
What do you call two Mexicans having sex? 50 Shades of Brown.
What do you call snowmen having sex?
A snowjob.
Why is sex like math? You add a bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs, and pray there's no multiplying.
Don’t have phone sex without protection, you might get hearing aids!
If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...
Eat my butt.
Fuck off!
My music teacher was investigated, but she was the one that taught me my fingerings.
What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick up your ass.
