Miss Piggy jokes

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?

Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.

Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?

Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.

Why does Kermit like Miss Piggy covered in honey? Because he likes sweet and sour pork.

You're so ugly, when a pig saw you, it thought that you were their family member.

Teacher: What does a pig give you?

Little Johnny: Bacon.

Teacher: Good, what does the sheep give you?

Little Johnny: Wool.

Teacher: What does the fat cow give you?

Little Johnny: Homework and says "leave motherf*cker".

What do you call a pig that does karate?

PORK-CHOP

Two Italian men get on a bus.

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. They speak with an Italian accent.

The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

"Emma come first.

Den I come.

Den two asses come together.

I come once-a-more.

Two asses, they come together again.

I come again and pee twice.

Then I come one lasta time."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' abouta sexa? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella 'Mississippi'."