Sex jokes
Why do vegetarians give good head?
Because they’re used to eating nuts.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef!
I'mma flip this coin, if it lands on heads, tuh, you gotta give me head, if it lands on tails then you gotta give me the booty, so lets give this a try *flips coin* OOP! Would ya look at that, it landed on both, ESSKETIT!
What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
By the time you're done with the breasts and the thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
A girl walks up to her dad to ask for a dress for prom and he says, "Suck my dick and I'll buy you a dress." She does it and says to him, "Dad, your dick tastes like shit." And he says, "Yeah, your brother wanted a car."
Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?
Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.
What's that useless skin around the vagina and the boobies?
The women.
I was having sex with my girl, and she said she likes it rough, so I socked her in the face.
Why is my dick like a balloon?
The more you blow it, the bigger it gets.
What's the difference between Tyler and a rooster? A rooster says, "cock-a-doodle-doo," Tyler says, "any cock will do."
What do you call sex?
Making cake.
What is 6.9?
A beautiful thing ruined by a period.
If life was like Pacific Rim, I'd say your mom's pussy was a category 5.
I suck big weiner.
I eat ass.
Three women were in heaven. The angel at the gates said, "How good the ride into heaven is for you, is determined by your commitment to your most recent partner."
The first lady says, "2 years, 2 side-hoes." She got an old lexus.
The second lady says, "10 years, 1 visit from a prostitute." She got a Mercedes-Benz.
The third lady says, "I never had a husband."
The angel says in response, "F*ck me and then you can have a lambo."
They all arrive in heaven, to see the second lady crying.
The first lady says, "I know we are dead, but it could be a lot worse."
"How!?" The third lady cries, "The angel has a flute for a d*ck!"
If you go to the military and you get sent to a country, how many heads will you blow off?
That number is how many dicks you suck.
What's the worst thing about eating a shaved pussy?
Putting the diaper back on.
I don’t know what’s worse: Finding bucket loads of porn on my dad’s laptop, or finding out he was in all of them.
What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?
Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.
Three people having sex is a threesome; two people is a twosome. So next time someone calls you "handsome," don't take it as a compliment.