YOUR MOM sucks my dick 24/7.
Sex Jokes
God sent gays to fix overpopulation. Until they ended same-sex marriage.
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
You walk into your grandma's room and you see her naked and she says "Come here grandson." What would you do?
A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
Why is the penis so light?
Because even thots can lift them.
What was the doctor's diagnosis on a dinosaur with a low sex drive? Teraerectile dysfunction.
Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven is a registered sex offender.
What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?
This would be much better if you were alive.
Why did the zookeeper lose his job? For choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!
When your little brother hears noise from your room and you're the only one in it.
Definition of trust: two cannibals having oral sex.
A boy walks up to a girl and says, "I would tell you a joke about my dick, but it's too long." Then the girl says, "Yeah, I would tell you a joke about my pussy, but you'll never get it."
I don’t have a joke but a poem about a sex/dark joke.
Row, row, row your boat, Gently down the stream. Merrily, merrily, merrily, I can make you scream!
Q: Why was Barbie kicked out of the toy box?
A: She sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie to me!"
What's the difference between calling someone dad or daddy? How you come from his balls.
Why was the egg runny?
Because he'd just had sex with Jimmy Saville.
Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what they're doing and the father says: "Well...we're making you a brother." So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he's going to have a brother soon.
The next day when little Jonny's father comes home, Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what's wrong. Jonny cries: "I won't have a baby brother!" His father is confused. "What do you mean?" he asks. "Because the mailman came by today and ate him!"
What do you call a white man having intercourse with a black woman?
An Oreo.
Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex, but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. "Tomato" means harder and "cheese" means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming, "Tomato, tomato, tomato, cheese, cheese, cheese," then my little brother said, "Can y’all stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over my bed."
