My favorite sex position is the McDonald's.
Ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it!
Why don't lesbians have sex in the morning?
Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese?
Anyone know how to get an A on the "An Inspector Calls" section of the GCSE paper?
My sister's name was Philma. We were unfortunate enough to have the last name Coochie. Let's just say no more virgins were at that school.
What's the hardest thing about being a rapist?
My dick.
If your girl smells like tilapia, don’t let her on top of ya.
My wife purely hates me for me having sex with our daughter.
It's not my fault I couldn't wait to get out of the abortion clinic!
Did you hear about the blind prostitute?
Well, you gotta hand it to her.
If it's on the clock, it's old enough for the cock.
Q. Two gay guys are having sex, when suddenly the house catches fire. Who gets out of the house first, the guy on top or bottom?
A. The guy on the bottom because he already has his shit packed.
20 years of sex in the dark, the wife finds out he was using a dildo. The wife gets angry and says, "Explain the dildo, prick." The husband says, "Explain the children, bitch."
What is monkey's favorite position? Donkey Kong.
When that one night stand says she has AIDS but you laugh, "I choose D!"
She says...wait what?? I have all of the above! XD
What is the difference between a washing machine and a hooker?
I can put a load in the washing machine without it following me.
What's the difference between pussy and pizza... nothing because I'll eat them both.
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."
His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"
A son walks up to his dad and says, "Dad! I just had sex for the first time."
The dad goes, "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it?"
The son says, "I can't sit right now, my butt is very sore."
Knock knock. "Who's there?" "Grandma." "Oh, okay."
Nah, it's a penis.
What is the difference between acne and a priest? Acne waits for a boy to turn twelve before it comes on his face.
Why can you never hear bunnies having sex? Because they have cotton balls.
