Say jokes
A man is in purgatory. He says he suddenly was shocked by something, so he died.
The guard at purgatory says: "I can give you one more chance to live!"
He revives the man. The man gets up, but something doesn't feel right... He looks in the mirror to see what's wrong. He closes his eyes and hears something.
Guard: "Welcome back! You found the problem!"
Not a joke, but this needs saying. Please can someone do something about all the pedo posts on here. It’s honestly just nasty.
So, Biden, Zelensky, and Putin are on a plane, and the plane loses altitude and goes down, but there are 2 parachutes. Putin takes the first one and jumps because he is a greedy twat. So he jumps, but then Biden says, "You go, Zelensky. I am much older than you, and it is ok for me to die." So Zelensky takes the second one and jumps, but when he did, the plane regains altitude, and Biden got to Washington, DC, all fine. They found out the reason was Zelensky's steel balls.
Two men are sitting at a coffee table.
Mike: "I think I might have a drinking problem."
Joe: "Why do you say that?"
Mike: "Well, last week I got so drunk I blew chunks."
Joe: "That's nothing to be ashamed of; we all drink a little too much sometimes."
Mike: "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog's name."
Two lepers meet on the street.
First says "How are you doing?"
Second says "Mustn't crumble!"
When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."
What did the knife say to the other knife?
"Knife to meet you."
What does the blind man say when walking past the fish market?
“Good evening, ladies.”
What did the young Taliban member say to the old Taliban member?
"Okay, Boomer."
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Banna.
Banna who?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Banna.
Banna who?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Banna.
Banna who?
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Banna who?
Orange you glad I didn’t say Banna? Yup! 🤣🤣😂😂😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣🤣😂😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂
I see a poor guy. Mini me be like- mama, can I give my spare money to him? 🤗 And my mum says yes, so I give my money and home feeling SO NICE, while MY MOM knows he's going to spend it on DRUGS. We go back tomorrow and then after we go to the same place and then I see him with drugs.
Me- what I think fck what I do 😭.
What did the math book say to the guidance counselor?
What did the emo guy say to the emo girl?
"Like ur cute g."
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
What did the buffalo say to the buffalo's son?
"Bi-son."
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing. They just waved.
Did you sea what I did there?
A cop pulls two Arabian men over, walks up to their window, and says, "We are looking for two child molesters!"
Now after a short pause, the two men look at each other, then back at the officer and say, "We'll do it!"
Guy goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "You look run down." The guy says, "No, I've come on my bike!"
Hi Alex, you will probably not see this till the morning, but I just wanted to say I have had fun since you were here. Also, thank you so much for protecting me and being there for me. And yeah, have a good day!
Son, what is 1 plus 1?
Dad, I don't know.
Son, it is 2.
Dad, oh, I was gonna say 2.