Say jokes

Man and woman are having a discussion. The woman looks into the man's eyes and says, "Honey, you know how I like it when you walk up and stick it in . . . "

". . . but I love it when Bob walks up and sticks it in!"

Divorce is scheduled for next month.

What did the fish say when he swam into a wall?

Nothing, because fish can't talk.

What did the fish say to the other fish when it got hooked?

"That's what you get for not keeping your mouth shut."

Mom: They say our kid neighbor has blue blood.

Son: Really?

Also 2 hours later:

Son: Mom, the kid doesn't have blue blood.

Mom: Son, I-

What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?

A family portrait........

You might say I'm mean but what are they gonna do..... tell their parents?

Wait..........

The boyfriend says to the explosive dude: "You're the bomb!" The explosive dude says: "Wow, that was Whitty."

What did the 9/11 survivor say when he went back to his family? "You won't believe it! The Twin Towers became conjoined twins when it happened!"

Wife: [Looks] in the mirror. Wife: I look fat, can you say something positive? Husband: At least your eyes work.

So a man asked another man, "What's your name?"

He says, "What's it to ya?"

So the guy asked again, "And he says what's it to ya?"

Come to find out his name was What's It To Ya.

Hi guys, I'm going to be out for 3 days. Also, quote for the day and advice.

Quote. (Made by me) Don't look back at tomorrow; just look forward today. There are new thoughts, strength, and ideas.

Advice. Sometimes ppl have opinions, and those opinions are probably what you don't like, but don't bring negativity on them just because of what they're saying. If you chose, you probably say, "I don't understand that statement, but it does sound good." This is not a drama site; it's a joking site.

P.S. No hating in these comments.

*text conversation boy: When you kiss someone, you burn 15 calories. Wanna burn calories together sometime?

girl: Are you saying I'm fat?

The teacher was asking some of her students the meanings of words.

"Sally, can you tell me what 'beautiful' means?"

Sally: "You..."

Teacher: "Aww! How nice! But next time, say the actual definition. Now, can someone tell me what 'malicious' means?"

Andrew: "A dangerous person and/or virus."

Teacher: "Great job, Andrew! Now, what does 'fat' mean? Johnny?"

Johnny: "A pig."

Teacher: "Could you tell me the actual defini- "

Johnny: "In other words, the person who last spoke to me!"

What did the other wave say to the other wave?

"Nothing, they just waved!"

Why shouldn't you say "I hate you" to your parents?

Ask an orphan.

You know that you f**k better than dad?

I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)

What do you say when a Spanish person loses a car?

Carlos.

When a woman says, "I need to be treated like a delicate flower," don't cut the wrong cord on the bomb.

A Middle Eastern man comes to the states to do a stand up show. He starts by saying “2 Jews walk into a bar, NOT IN MY COUNTRY!”

If it is someone's birthday, say this for a joke:

"A long time ago in a far away galaxy...

YOU WERE BORN!"

What did MLK Jr. say when he spent the night on the internet?

"Last night I had a meme."