Say jokes
Tell the person next to you to spell "me." When they do, say, "You forgot the D." They should respond with, "There is no D in ME." You say, "Not yet." If this does not go as planned, well, then you are fucked for life.
The pastor jumped at the chance to meet Ariana the other day.
He also grabbed, fondled, and fingered. Some might say he was milking the situation.
The teacher asked the class what they wanted to be when they grew up.
Johnny said when he grows up he's going to be a motherfucking hustler. He's going to have a wife and live in a big house in the country with maids and butlers and drive a Rolls-Royce, and he's also going to have an apartment in the city where his side bitch is going to live. He's going to buy her expensive jewelry, whatever she wants: cars, diamonds, clothes, shoes.
The teacher didn't know what to say, so she calls on Sally. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Sally said, "I want to be Johnny's bitch."
What did the rapper say to the computer?
“Yo, stop laggin’ my FLOW!”
Everyone says "no homo," why do gays not say "no hetero?"
If I went out with a dwarf, when I pick them up, I'll say, "Wassup short?"
What did my dad say before he went to go get milk?
"There's money in my wallet for pizza. I love you."
What did a comedian say at a show full of blind people?
"What's up?"
What does a bird say when it gets sick?
I flu!
Q: If a cat says to a dog, "All dogs are liars," and the dog says to the cat, "All cats are liars," what does it mean?
A: It means cats and dogs can talk.
If someone licks your elbow, you won't feel it.
If you put your ear up to someone's leg, you can hear them say, "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?!"
Yo mama so ugly, when she go to church they say it's a demon!
What did Vegeta say to Bulma?
What?
Can I show you my new move? It's called BIG BANG ATTACKKKK! :)
When a kindergarten teacher asks a kid to sing the alphabet, he said "ab3defg." The teacher said, "Do you like 3D?" He said, "Yeah." The teacher yelled, "Okay, do you have a 3DS?" He said yes. The teacher goes into his bag and says, "Say ABCs or your 3DS will be destroyed." He says, "ab3defghijlmnopqrs." "Oh, he learned well." The teacher threw the 3DS out the window. The kid gets it, and it still works. Then he googles ABCs. It goes to YouTube and says, "abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz." The teacher is proud of the 3DS. The class went home telling parents.
What do you say to your sister when she's crying?
"Are you having a crisis because people say 67?"
What did the owl that's a detective say?
"Hoo did it?"
What do you say to a crippled man getting bullied?
"Why not you stand up for yourself?"
A Japanese person comes to America and sees guns everywhere. One American says, "Welcome to America!"
Mom: Son, get up for school.
Son: I AM UP *holds up books and says I'm up* IM UP MOM!
"Simon says touch your chin."
The fat people be like, "Which one?"