Say jokes
Say what you want about Jeffrey Epstein, but at least he knew how to take out the trash.
A man and a woman are watching clouds together. The man says, “Hey, that one looks like a giraffe!” The woman agrees and says, “That one looks like an elephant!” The man sits up and says, “That one looks like a mushroom.”
What did the computer say to the other computer? “Well, tech-ically we can’t talk.”
A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:
"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"
Roses are red, Violets are blue, Your grandma died, your dad left you too, Now you're living with your old grandma coot. Oh, let's not forget your mom left you, too. You gon' live alone, die alone, with no roses on your casket, too.
When an American goes on a scale, the other person will say, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
I'mma cashew outside!
Two needles go to the river. One of them says, "I'm sorry!"
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing.
They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing, then his friend calls and he is groaning. He said he was having cramps, so the husband tells the doctor, "Doc, turn it up to 40%!" So he does, and his friend throws up, so he said, "Doc, turn it up to 100%!" and his friend dies.
What did the man say to the girl?
You just milked a cow.
An emo kid sees his clothes hanging to dry, and he says to his clothes, "I wish I were you!"
Person 1 says to Person 2: "I know a man with a wooden leg named Smith."
So Person 2 says to Person 1: "What's the name of his other leg?"
POV: An Asian kidnapper kidnapped an Asian kid, and the kidnapper called the kid's mom. Then the mom said, "No, it's fine, my kid got a B, he failed." And the kidnapper let him go saying he doesn't need a failure.
What does Michael Joseph Jackson say to adults when he sees them?
Keep away from me-hee-hee.
Granny says don't worry, the cries of pain are only my ex-husband's.
What do Emos say when they trick-or-treat?
"Boo-hoo!"
Once there was a midget man jumping on a pothole saying 43, 43, 43. A kid walks up to the man and says, "Why are you saying 43, 43, 43?"
The man stops and looks at him, then he starts jumping again and says 43, 43, 43.
The kid asked him again and so on.
Then the man stops, opens the pothole, throws the kid in, closes it, and starts jumping and says 44, 44, 44!!!"
Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.
You have a father figure.
What did the Chinese man say to his wife?
I'll chin you later.
What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?
"Does this come with anything?"