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Children

    • A couple has sex in the dark every single night.

    One night, the wife gets curious about what goes on, so they start f...ing, and she flicks the light on. When she flicks the light on, she catches him with a dildo playing with her pussy. She's so mad that she started ranting and raving. The husband says, "Honey, I know you're mad, and I'll explain the toy. Just do me one favor: explain the children."

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    • Depression

    • When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

    Blonde

    • There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”

    The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”

    The third blonde says “so we go at night.”

    Say memes

    Priest

    • A priest is struck by lightning and lays hurt on the ground.

    When medical crew arrives he denies them, saying, "God will surely save me!"

    The medical team tries to help him, but he keeps struggling and eventually dies.

    Later in the afterlife, he screams at God, saying, "Why didn't you save me? Am I not dear to you?"

    God answered, "B****, I sent you a f***ing ambulance and you denied it!"

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    • Orphan

    • A man has the power to grant anyone a wish they want.

    A kid comes up and says, "I want to be like Batman!"

    The man smiles and grants his wish. The child goes home and finds that he is now an orphan.

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    • Sister

    • You know, that I see my sister at home from school. She says everyone bullies me. I say, "Because you're a fat a**."

    Kid

    • I don't see why people say that emo kids don't like to hangout.

    I saw them hanging all day.

    Astronaut

    • Astronaut In The Ocean-By- Masked Wolf and watersharky Music Productions-

    Astro-naut

    What you know about rollin' down in the deep?

    When your brain goes numb, you can call that mental freeze

    When these people talk too much, put that shit in slow motion, yeah

    I feel like an astronaut in the ocean, ayy

    What you know about rollin' down in the deep?

    When your brain goes numb, you can call that mental freeze

    When these people talk too much, put that shit in slow motion, yeah

    I feel like an astronaut in the ocean

    She say that I'm cool (damn straight)

    I'm like "yeah, that's true" (that's true)

    I believe in G-O-D (ayy)

    Don't believe in T-H-O-T

    She keep playing me dumb (play me)

    I'ma play her for fun (uh-huh)

    Y'all don't really know my mental

    Lemme give you the picture like stencil

    Falling out, in a drought

    No flow, rain wasn't pouring down (pouring down)

    See, that pain was all around

    See, my mode was kinda lounged

    Didn't know which-which way to turn

    Flow was cool but I still felt burnt

    Energy up, you can feel my surge

    I'ma kill everything like this purge (ayy)

    Let's just get this straight for a second, I'ma work

    Even if I don't get paid for progression, I'ma get it (get it)

    Everything that I do is electric

    I'ma keep it in a motion, keep it moving like kinetic, ayy (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)

    Put this shit in a frame, better know I don't blame

    Everything that I say, man I seen you deflate

    Let me elevate, this ain't a prank

    Have you walkin' on a plank, la-la-la-la-la, like

    Both hands together, God, let me pray (now let me pray)

    Uh, I've been going right, right around, call that relay (Masked Wolf)

    Pass the baton, back and I'm on

    Swimming in the pool, Kendrick Lamar, uh

    Want a piece of this, a piece of mine, my peace a sign

    Can you please read between the lines?

    My rhyme's inclined to break your spine

    They say that I'm so fine

    You could never match my grind

    Please do not, not waste my time

    What you know about rollin' down in the deep?

    When your brain goes numb, you can call that mental freeze

    When these people talk too much, put that shit in slow motion, yeah

    I feel like an astronaut in the ocean, ayy

    What you know about rollin' down in the deep?

    When your brain goes numb, you can call that mental freeze

    When these people talk too much, put that shit in slow motion, yeah

    I feel like an astronaut in the ocean.

    Beaner

    • (True story)

    One day Sally's mom said, "I can just eat you up!" And Sally says, "No, you can't!" Then the mom asks why and Sally says, "Because I'm a beaner, and we don't taste good."

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