Saw jokes

The biggest inconvenience in 2001, I thought, was my brother. Turns out it was 9/11. I guess the planes saw him be born and died from how ugly he was. Aluh aluckbar.

So, a man was on a ledge ready to kill himself because he got laid off at work and his girlfriend cheated on him. He was about to jump until he saw from a mountainside a little guy with no arms dancing around. So he thought, "Maybe my life ain't so bad." So he went to the mountainside. "Thank you," he said, "I was gonna jump off a bridge and kill myself until I saw you dancing, even though you have no arms. Dancing?" the armless man said bitterly, "My asshole itches and I can't scratch it."

I went to go mine for some gold, but then I saw some shorts.

Friend: "Your jokes are too short."

Me: "Zip it, my jokes are always golden."

Friend: "You're such an ingot, don't forget your jokes are always Aurum."

Me: "I know my jokes are Aurum; it's always because I always glitz."

Friend: "At least I have luminescent" (Get it? Lu mines cent)

It was so cold out today believe it or not, I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets!

Yesterday my daughter was playing in the garden when I saw her kill a butterfly. I told her that, as a punishment, she won't eat butter for 1 month.

Today I saw her killing a cockroach in the kitchen. I told her "nice try".

Yo mama is so stupid, when she saw on her computer it said "You have 3 cookies," she broke it.

George, when I saw your face, I had to shoot you with a Nerf gun. If you died, wimp.

I despise lumberjacks. They are always barking up the wrong tree, all bark and no bite.

They just need to leaf people alone or stick with something nicer.

I first saw her in the Walmart picking out your drawers.

I went to McDonald's and I saw a line of fat people because they were selling free hamburgers.

When I went to heaven, I saw Steven Hawking standing there. I asked why he isn’t in heaven yet. He said there are stairs.

One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!

I went, I saw, I poop at hole. I make a portal.

Hola! This is when I pranked my mom! I took a fake lobster and put it in the toilet. The fake lobster was in your attic, used for lobster parties, but anyway, I put the fake lobster in the toilet, so when my mom comes in she will find it and overreact to it. Well, she did not overreact, she FREAKED OUT OVER IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First she screamed and then she looked at it and she saw it was fake. laterrrrrrr that's the prankster!

I once saw a noose joke.

I wanna know how to make one :D

I saw some toilet paper rolls rolling in the wind.

So I called, "Toilet Papers Rolling In!"

Your hairline is so back when the police saw it, they had to arrest you.

I saw a dwarf and said, "He costs 2 elixir!"

He called the cops.

Your mama so fat, when Santa saw her he said, "Ho, ho, holy s***!"

I remember when I saw my dad's penis for the first time.

I said, "Dad, don't text me shit like that."