Saw jokes

I just watched a documentary about beavers.

It was the best dam show I ever saw!

I saw Simba walking slowly.

I told him "Mufasa!"

I saw an orphan fall in the street crying, so I ran up to him and said, "Are you okay? Where are your parents?"

I had to go to my friend's house.

I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???

I went to the super market one day and I saw a Caesar salad for 69 dollars. Next minute someone comes up to me and says, "Caesar deez nutz!"

You are so ugly, when the Joker saw you, he stopped laughing.

How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?

She was too used to grabbing the tip.

Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.

I saw a cat. It said, "Raisin" when he saw a nut. Hahaha, I am a crappy joker. Put me in the nerd club.

Once a bird went to search for food. Then suddenly he saw grain on a road. When he saw a bullock cart, he said, "That's too far away." Then the bullock immediately came, and the king bird came, and the deceitful bird said, "Sorry, Majesty, I was wrong to eat this on the road." And then he died, and the king bird goes back and tells everybody about it.

I scaled your forehead, and all I saw was 1000.

My four conditions:

1. I need coffee.

2. I need vacation.

3. I need food.

4. I need tape, axe, saw, bag, shovel, and an alibi.

What couldn’t the boy in the wheelchair do when he saw a bully? He couldn’t stand up for himself.

My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...

I saw a cute coworker and had sex in the back till I realized it is a family business.

Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."

Little Jonny Bad Ass was sitting on a porch one day, and a preacher was in the house. Little Jonny Bad Ass had to use the bathroom, so he bangs on the door saying, "Mom, I have to use the bathroom!" His mom says wait. So Little Jonny Bad Ass saw a hat on the step. He looks around, pulls his pants down, and shits in the hat.

A few later, the preacher comes out and says, "I see you have my hat!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Yeah, I caught the world's fastest bird!" The preacher says, "Well, let me see him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "No, I don't know." Well, the preacher says, "I'll put my hands by the hat, you lift, and I'll catch him!" Little Jonny Bad Ass lifted the hat and the preacher clapped his hands, and Little Jonny Bad Ass says, "Now see the bird don't shit," and ran.

I was driving through a neighborhood when I saw a sign that said "Autistic Child Zone." Then I thought to myself, "Oh shit, that wasn't a dog!"

I was walking home, then I saw a "Wait" sign. A man came and took me. I'm still waiting for him to ask for a lesson.

A cow was walking down the road, and it saw a beautiful cloud in the sky, so it said, "That is an a-moo-zing cloud!"