Saw jokes

Someone was walking down the street and they saw some neat...

"Diarrhea cha cha cha, Diarrheal cha cha cha!"

I was walking and I saw a girl crying, and she told me to take her dollhouse and I asked why. She said because I don't have one.

Yo mama so fat, I saw her eat with 3 utensils: A spoon, a knife, and a FORKLIFT.

I saw your mom at work the other night. She was talking about how good she was doing.

Hands down, best $20 blowjob ever.

Little Johnny is in class one day, and little Timmy starts laughing. The teacher says, "What's so funny?" He said, "I can see your bra strap." The teacher says, "Don't come back to class for a week," so he gets up and walks out. A few minutes later, little Billy starts laughing, and she asks, "What's funny now?" Little Billy said, "I can see both of your bra straps." The teacher says, "Get out of my classroom for a month." So little Billy got pissed, he walked out and slammed the door. This scared the teacher, and she dropped the chalk. She picked it up, then she stood back up, and she sees little Johnny walking out of the classroom. She asked, "Where do you think you're going?" He said, "Well, teach, after what I saw, I'm done with school for a lifetime."

My mom told me to get a job, so I did.

One day my mom saw me, I had money. My mom asked me where did you get that money? My mom asked me where did you get that money. I said I got a job in the neighborhood. My mom asked me what do you do, so I said when you take showers I secretly open the door, and I let the guys come and see you one by one, and I get paid for it.

My mom said you're growing up so fast, & I said back to my mom that is what the guys say when they see you in the shower.

True Story

A CO was receiving inmates as they're being recalled from their assigned jobs to prepare for count. An inmate that had passed the officer returned bleeding through his trousers from his crotch. The inmate had an argument with his lover who had told him that he wasn't enough woman for him. As the inmate was bleeding he was crying out, "He doesn't love me anymore!"

The officer called for medical assistance and went into the assigned cell. He found the severed penis. He fished it out of the toilet and placed it in a plastic bag with ice. He claimed that the medical staff at the hospital could reattach it. He took a ribbing from his fellow officers, because most would've flushed it. I retired and months later saw a fellow officer at the store. As we caught up, I mentioned that the last incident I responded to was 'the severed penis.' The officer tells me that the inmate severed his penis again after it was reattached and flushed it himself.

One time I walked into a room and I saw a man and a dwarf, and I soon found out that the man was the dwarf's father, and I noticed that the dwarf really looked up to him.

Yo mama so fat when the doctor saw her weight on the scale he said, "I asked for your weight, not your phone number!"

What did the passengers of the plane say when they saw the airplane strip? Nothing, because it was not an airplane strip, but a tower.

Did you hear about the ninja pedophile? No one saw him coming.

One time an ant was collecting food. Suddenly, a wind pushed the ant into the river. The ant said, "Help! Help!" and a pigeon heard it. Then, he grabbed a leaf and threw it in the river. The ant climbed on it, and then the pigeon and the ant became best friends. But one time, a hunter came to kill the pigeon. When the ant saw him, she bit his leg and the pigeon flew away from the arrow, and that's how friends are, everybody.

So the other day, I saw a child in a wheelchair.

He was getting bullied a lot, so I came up and said, "Why don't you stand up to those bullies?"

Why did the orphan cross the road?

He thought he saw his mother.

I saw a girl crying. I told her, "Where are your parents?" She cried more after that. I got kicked out of the orphanage.

A Chinese guy said to his friend: "I saw you fucking your donkey yesterday."

His friend: "No, that's impossible, it's too hot inside."

An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."

He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"

He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."

I saw a kid in the yard and I asked where are your parents.

Then I got fired from the orphanage.

How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"

How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"

One time a crow saw a peacock and then wanted to be like a peacock, so he picked up peacock feathers and then wore them.

Then he starts walking and everybody thinks he's strange, and then his friends are not his friends anymore, and then after that he says, "Friends, please be my friends again. I'm sorry, I will be the way I am."