Saw jokes

Roses are red, violets are blue, people think that you’re fat, until they saw your mom.

When God said, "Let there be light," He saw your mum and said, "Let there be dark."

When the police saw your hairline, they gave your barber a breathalyzer test.

The circular saw asked the chainsaw, "When am I as big as you?"

The chainsaw would answer with, "When you cut down some things in your life. Like your owner."

The circular saw would reply with, "What?"

I was writing my final exams, and I saw a question saying to name the smallest thing in the world. To my knowledge, I chose an atom.

My Chemistry teacher said it was PSG. I was shocked beyond repair. Shame on you, PSG, I'm now a college dropout!

I saw one kid in a game. He went, "I love you, tree!" He was dumb as cant tell, sorry.

An African man was walking in New York when he saw a sign that said, "Watch out for children."

He started laughing hysterically, then a white man asked him, "Why are you laughing?"

He said, "In Africa, they would never put up a sign like that."

When I saw your hairline, I thought I saw kid Jason Voorhees.

I saw my midget neighbor at a bus stop.

"Jump in, I'll give you a lift home," I said.

"Bugger off!" he shouted back.

"What an ungrateful little man," I thought as I zipped up my backpack and continued my walk.

I saw your license. It said you're 15.

I checked your face. It says you're 50.

I don't see why people say that emo kids don't like to hangout.

I saw them hanging all day.

I was watching the London Marathon one year, and I saw two runners in costumes. One of them was dressed a chicken and the other dressed as an egg. I thought: "This'll be interesting."

In fright, I saw my faceless soul! Never imagined it could run that fast!

Why did the orphan cross the road?

He thought he saw his mother.

"I see, I see." "Oh, do you see?" "I see 1st place looking at me." "Hi, don’t be shy, just say hi." She was shy, she didn’t say hi. Softball cheers.

You're so ugly that when One Direction saw you, they went the OTHER direction!

How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"

How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"

As soon as I saw your mom, my Premature Ejaculation went off.

Beauty is blind? Ya damn right, 'cause that's what happened when she saw your ass.

My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...