Saw jokes

If I had a nickel for every time I saw someone as beautiful as you, I’d still only have five cents.

Yo mama so fat the last time I saw 90210 was when she stepped on the scale.

Lucky for me I'm only 210.

You're so ugly that when One Direction saw you, they went the OTHER direction!

I will never forget the moment when my father saw me masturbating. He said, "Son, what are you doing? I'm on a video conference - get out of my office!"

Yo hairline is so long, when you looked in a mirror you saw an entire endangered species.

How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it, then light it on fire and it will go "WOOF!"

How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Put it in the deep freeze until frozen solid, then run it through an electric saw and it will go "MMMRROWWWWWW!"

I'm upset, but when I saw you, you never let me down.

Did you know your dad was a magician? He disappeared the second he saw your ugly ass face!

When the airplane saw the Twin Towers, it said, "We can't go over it, we can't go under it, we can't go around it, guess we will go through it."

People thought they were going to another country till they saw terrorists were flying the plane.

Your mom disrespected your dad when he saw your face.

In fright, I saw my faceless soul! Never imagined it could run that fast!

Why did the orphan cross the road?

He thought he saw his mother.

"I see, I see." "Oh, do you see?" "I see 1st place looking at me." "Hi, don’t be shy, just say hi." She was shy, she didn’t say hi. Softball cheers.

I saw Simba walking slowly.

I told him "Mufasa!"

As soon as I saw your mom, my Premature Ejaculation went off.

Beauty is blind? Ya damn right, 'cause that's what happened when she saw your ass.

My kid runs in today to tell me that he found a floating cow, but when he got me to come and see, all I saw was a piñata with a tail and white spots. Such a stupid child. So after that I gave him a nice refreshing drink from the toilet and a few of those chocolate sprinkles. (: I'm such a good parent...

Teacher: Tell me a moral story.

Little Johnny: Once my grandfather was in WW2. He saw everyone praising to kill him. For example, we should sneak up and kill him. We get the helicopter above and shoot him from there. My grandfather heard this, he got his gun and shot them all.

Teacher: What is the moral even?

Little Johnny: Never plan to kill my grandfather.

One time a crow saw a peacock and then wanted to be like a peacock, so he picked up peacock feathers and then wore them.

Then he starts walking and everybody thinks he's strange, and then his friends are not his friends anymore, and then after that he says, "Friends, please be my friends again. I'm sorry, I will be the way I am."