Saw jokes

There was a little boy named Chris who was addicted to Roblox.

One day, his grandpa fell into a deep coma caused by a head injury.

One day, little Chris went to visit his poor grandpa. He brought his Windows 10 too, but it had no charge in it. After pulling out some wires and placing his into the wall, he started to hear a long beeping sound, but ignored it and continued to play Roblox. Chris's parents came and saw what had happened.

The dad then yelled, "You dumb f***, you killed my father!!!"

Then Chris said "Yeah. He was worth robucks, too."

I saw this girl with blue hair and slapped her wrist and said, “NICE CUT G!”

I was studying in Turin, and my professor told me I had to use PENS only.

I looked in my bag for pens, and they were GONE. I looked at the surveillance footage and saw that CRISTIANO PENALDO stole ALL MY PENS. I was fuming. Shame on you, Penaldo!

Little Johnny walked into his house. He heard a banging sound from up above and decided to investigate. He opened the door to his parents' room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.

There was an Indian riding in the desert when he saw a little blond-haired white girl up ahead. He heard her crying. So he went up to her and climbed down from his horse and asked her, "Hey, what’s going on? Why are you crying? Where are your parents? What happened?"

The girl said in a crying, sad voice, "The bandidos came, killed my father, my brothers, then my mother, and raped my sister."

The Indian just laughed, untied and dropped his breechcloth, then said, “Guess this isn’t your day, is it?”

I was walking by a prison when I saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down the fence. When he hit the ground and sneered at me, I said, “Well, that’s a little condescending.”

I was sitting on my own in a restaurant when I saw a beautiful woman at another table. I sent her a bottle of the most expensive wine on the menu. She sent me a note, “I will not touch a drop of this wine unless you can assure me that you have seven inches in your pocket.” I wrote back, “Give me the wine. As gorgeous as you are, I'm not cutting off three inches for anyone.”

Once I saw a girl crying and asked, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working at orphanages.

I saw a little kid on their bike before. So I ran home to see if it was mine. Mine was still chained up, so we’re good.

Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom

Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom

Doin' doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom

You know we straight with doin' your mom

Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom

Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom

Doin' doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom

You know we straight with doin' your mom

I’m doin' your mom. Yes yours!

I first saw her in the Wal-Mart pickin' out your drawers.

Big Dolly Parton hair like an 80s prom queen

But her ass was lookin' good all up in those mom-jeans.

I approached her in the checkout line, and said yo baby wassup?

She had two gallons of milk, and I was starin' at her jugs.

Five minutes later she agreed to get with me

So we went and rocked the minivan like Giggity. Giggity. Giggity.

I was ridin' your mom like she was Mario Kart.

I gave her a lift back to her crib cause her car wouldn’t start.

She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.

How many times I tap that ass? OVER 9000!

Yeah. She called me Pledge cause I knocked the dust off it.

She later made me a sandwich and she cut the crust off it.

Cause she knows how I like it, and that I’m a little young

To be in the bed, butt-naked doin' your mom.

Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom

Doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom

Doin' doin' your mom doin' doin' your mom

You know we straight with doin' your mom

I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer.

I saw it through my telescope last night.

I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"

My friend and I were walking down the street, and we saw this one disabled kid getting bullied by three other kids. Urgently, we sprinted over to help. He had no chance against the five of us.

A kid is arrested for a school shooting threat. He is then apprehended and asked why he wanted to do this. He responds with, "What do you mean? I already did it." Then the police ran back to the school to apprehend the other people he was planning it with. The cops busted in through the doors, which caused a smoke trap to go off, which then the cops saw three people walk in and the police begin to fire. But as the smoke began to clear, the cops saw that the three people were 16 kids duck taped to rolling poles, 4 per pole. Back at the station, holding the kid being apprehended, the kid puts his feet up on a chair and said, "Aww, it pays to be lazy!"

A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him. Everyone else in the room stops to listen:

Man: Hello? Woman: Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man: Yes. Woman: I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man: Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman: I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man: How much? Woman: $90,000. Man: Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman: Great! Oh, and one more thing... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man: I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman: OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man: I love you to.

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.

The man turns around and says: “Anyone know whose phone this is?”