Saw Jokes

I went to the store and i saw no oranges and i went to ask the cashier:cashier:which one

I was in my first space mission for NASA. As we were orbiting the asteroid belt I saw a figure. I couldn’t tell who it was but he spoke Spanish with an Argentinian accent. He said “I’m looking for my freekicks and penalties, can you help me find them”. We then decided to aid him

i was walking and i saw a orphan and i said where are your parents

I saw a guy crossing a street once. The light was red

I was driving when I saw a kid chasing after a ball but I didn’t have enough time to slow down. Then I pulled over and the dad yelled “What the fuck did you do” I looked into the street and saw the ball completely deflated and the kid crying “Now I gotta hear him bitch and moan all day” he continues

its rly funny read through everything slowly say im a man after everything i say. I went to the bar. "Im a man" you saw this woman. "Im a man" you guys married. 'Im a man' you guys bought a house. 'im a man' you guys went to bed. "im a man" you said. "im a man" she said. "im a man"

A child was walking through the forest when a wolf jumped in front of him. The child saw that the wolf had no leg. He then became a terrorist and caused 9/11.

I saw a guy beat his girlfriend to a pulp after his girlfriend threw a phone in his face I offered to call an ambulance but he said he was fine

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

I DO NO UNDERSTAND WHY PPL ARENT SCARED OF SPIDERS. i mean like they have 87447924872320984623879480327678987t388025873289576348097923408370983728 legs and 2386486775957t8590893839420387424763478923748394783294327428748243264278 eyes. i saw a spider in my room. YOU THINK IM GONNA SLEEP IN THERE????????? nope. im moving to japan. KOONICHIWA

How did Peter Parker get caught as Spider Man? Well, he weaved a really tangled web and Aunt May saw it.

I went to a museum and saw clocks. The owner told me these were lying clocks. This is God's clock. It never moved because he never lied. This is your clock. It move 3 times because you lied 3 times i asked where is President trumps clock. he said it was at the equator. Spinning super fast for those who were on fire. I laughed so hard because it was so true

3 europeans come to America. They all get captured by native americans and they want to kill them. But the europeans beg to have their lives spared. The native americans agreed to not kill them on one condition: the europeans must go into the forest and bring back a fruit and they will be informed what to do with it. So the first guy comes back with a peach. The native american says "Shove it up your ass, if you laugh we kill you." So, he shoves the peach up his ass and he laughs, and the native americans kill him. The second guy comes back with a grape. The native american tells him the same thing. He laughs and the native american kills him. They both see eachother in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy, "I had a peach and peaches are fuzzy so thats why I laughed, but you had a grape, what happened?" The second guy says, “Oh yea I was doing just fine until I saw the other guy come back with a BANANA!!"

I saw some toilet paper rolls rolling in the wind. So I called “TOLIET PAPERS ROLLING IN”

There was a cheerio that had a job, he worked hard at it and the boss came up and promoted him to the vice president of the cheerios. So he needed a speech, he kept practicing and practicing and know he was thirsty. it was almost time for his speech. so he went to the drinking fountain but there was a huge line. So he went to the lake but he saw tons of garbage, and what he thought was a cereal killer. so he found this bowl of punch, but he relised... there was no punch-line

The Coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury.

Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available.

One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier with an amazing arm. The soldier rifled a grenade on a perfect arc into a 4th story window from 100 yards, bam!

He tossed another directly into a tight group of 12 enemy fighters 80 yards away, ka-bam! Then a humvee passed, going 60 kph, boom! Another perfect shot!

Coach said to himself, "I got to have this guy. He's got the best arm I've ever seen!"

He tracks him down and convinces him to come to Detroit. The kid takes coaching perfectly, makes all the plays, and long story short, the Lions win the Super Bowl.

The Iraqi is now the Conquering Hero in pro football, and a huge story. But when the broadcast team tries to interview him, all he wants is to phone his mom.

"Mother," he yells over the phone, "We just won the Super Bowl!"

"Don't talk to me," the woman says. "You abandoned us. You can't be my son."

The young Iraqi begs, "Mom, you don't understand! Our team won the biggest game here in the U.S. Thousands of fans are screaming for me. The U.S. President is going to call me!"

"I don't care," his mother snaps. "Right now I can hear gunshots everywhere. Our block is like a ruin. Your brothers were beaten half to death last night, and your sister was nearly raped."

Then she says, "I can never forgive you for making us move to Detroit.