Said jokes

So my ex invited me to dinner with her new boyfriend.

Her boyfriend said "Hi."

I said, "Knife to meet you!"

I told my sister a Dairy joke.

She said it was cheesy.

I speak for the trees.

*Trees whisper in my ear*

They said six million wasn't enough.

Boy: *scares girl*

Girl: "Gosh, you scared me, Jesus!"

Jesus: *Arrives out of nowhere and said, "What is it, human? I got work to do."*

Girl: What work?

Jesus: "Coming out of nowhere when people say 'Jesus.'"

I kicked a soccer ball at a kid in a wheelchair and said, "Rocket League!"

"Uh daddy harder," the orphan said. Oh wait, he doesn’t have a daddy.

I asked to borrow a book from the library. It was titled "Suicide in Ten Easy Steps." The cunt just stood and said, "Cheeky bastard, you won't bring it back!"

I walked into an orphanage and asked a kid why they were crying.

They said: "Because I lost my parents."

I said: "Let's find them."

They cried harder, so I walked out of the orphanage.

My friend said I was gay, but then I realised he was talking to the mirror.

A girl walks in the room. She asks her mom, "Why's my name Flower?" Her mom said, "When you were born, a flower fell on your head." Brick walks in the room. Jasvidnqzkdvsosbd.

One time the dog got bit by a snake, so my dad had to shoot it. My dad said to me, "This is what's going to happen to your little brother." "What little brother?" Exactly.

Once there was a boat. Its friends said,

"It's time to come back." And the boat said,

"No way. I don't give into pier pressure."

Yesterday I asked my friend, "What is a fish without eyes?"

They replied, "I don’t know."

I said, "Fsh."

Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?

Because when he asked them who the best composer was, they all said, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"

I was trying to make friends, and this one person came up to me. They said, "Lettuce be friends?" I just laughed and said that was tear-able.

A man once ate the left side of a person. One guy watching asked if the guy he was eating was okay. The man eating him said, "No... it's okay, he's all right now."

How did the skeleton know it was gonna rain?

If you said he felt it in his bones, you're wrong. He watched the weather forecast.

TommyInnit said, "Long live the Queen." Look at where she's at now.

I saw an orphan and I said, "Yo."

He said, "What do you want?"

I said, "To be your new father."

"Really??!" the orphan said.

Me: Lol, no.

Orphan *Jumps into street*

I walked into a store, and I pointed a stick to the roof and said, "This is a stick up!"